We’re not sure if more strange things necessarily happen in Lufkin than in other small towns, but the person behind the Lufkin Daily News police blotter has a great appreciation for the absurd.

March 20
An especially hungry shoplifter reportedly walked into a Lufkin store, filled a cart with groceries, and walked back out without paying for a thing.

March 19
A man told police he’d like to file charges against a co-worker for cussing at him.

March 18
Deputies with the Angelina County Sheriff’s Office arrested a 28-year-old man on assault charges after he allegedly threw a TV remote at his mother. According to the report, the man had just been told by his parents that he needed to “get a job and change his life.” It’s unclear whether or not the 28-year-old currently lives with his parents, but he was released from the Angelina County Jail the same day of his arrest after posting a $500 bail.

March 17
A man called the Angelina County police to report he was being held hostage in an RV by President Barack Obama. He said the RV was locked and he couldn’t get out, and eventually admitted to being high on methamphetamine. Deputies trying to find the troubled hostage found he was actually locked inside of his own RV, and President Obama had nothing to do with the situation.

March 16
A woman called the Angelina County Sheriff’s Office to make her boyfriend either leave the house or sleep on the couch.

March 12
Angelina County Deputies responding to a disturbance call were told the person responsible for making a scene had left, which became clearly untrue when an officer noticed a pair of feet sticking out from underneath a bed. The 35-year-old woman hiding beneath the piece of furniture was then arrested after deputies realized she had two pre-existing warrants for no insurance.

March 8
The mother of a bride, who apparently missed her chance to object to the union of her daughter to the groom, allegedly pointed a cake knife at the groom’s father during the reception in downtown Lufkin. The groom’s father called police around 6:30 to report that his son’s new mother-in-law was causing problems because she didn’t want the two to be married. After telling her she needed to leave if she couldn’t calm down, she reportedly pointed a knife at the father while cutting the wedding cake, telling him that
he was the one who needed to leave. By the time police arrived, the angry mom had left. No charges were pressed.

March 3
Someone wants to press charges against a telemarketing company for calling 17 times in a 24-hour span, even though the complainant requested they stop calling.

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