Tim Duncan may have retired for a leisurely life of Dungeons & Dragons and collecting classic cars—and the Spurs themselves may have maintained a .775 winning percentage without him—but if the longtime face of the greatest dynasty in American sports still brings you warm feelings, worry not: Now, you can eat those feelings every morning—with a little bit of milk.
Duncan’s hometown grocer, H-E-B, recently began stocking Slam Duncan-O’s breakfast cereal, a custom-made mix of honey-nut o’s and chocolate puffs (the “O” is for the hoop and the puff is for the ball, obviously) that are probably nothing at all like what Duncan himself eats for breakfast each morning.
But who cares about that, because they sound both delicious and like a charming way for Duncan fans to celebrate their love of the Big Fundamental. Duncan himself probably eats a plate of unsalted eggs or something for breakfast each morning—after, you know, weaning himself off of opposing forwards—but the ad he starred in for H-E-B about the breakfast cereal is cute.
Honoring hometown heroes with their own cereal is a tradition that goes back to Flutie Flakes and Chad Johnson’s OchocincO’s (if not further), and few stars are more beloved in their native market than Duncan is in the HEB territories of San Antonio, Austin, and South Texas. (We suspect they won’t fly off the shelves as quickly in Houston stores, but somebody get marketing on the line for James Harden’s Beard Bombs.)
Slam Duncan-O’s are available at H-E-B stores, as well as online, at the imminently reasonable price of $2.98 per box—would you expect anything extravagant from Tim Duncan?—although excited fans outside of Texas will have to either get them shipped from an in-state friend or hit up eBay, where the market price is still being set. (Hot tip: They are probably not worth $15 a box.) Online sales are also capped at six boxes, to make sure that as many fans who saw him during his 19 years in the NBA will be able to enjoy a bowl of Duncan in the morning.