Working in the oil fields can make a fella lonely, we’re sure. It’s long hours, dirty work, and a whole lot of male company. If you’re a straight guy who pulls 18-hour days in the fields, we suspect that finding a lady friend to unwind with at the end of the day is both a high priority and, because of the restrictions on your time, very difficult.

A “mid-20’s” oil worker in Odessa came up with a novel solution to the crisis of loneliness that #DerrickLife brings: Post a Craigslist ad to find a young lady of his fancy to spend time with! 

That might not seem like a particularly novel solution—Craigslist, among its many services, offers a robust personal ads section—but our Craigslist poster didn’t list the ad in the personals section. He listed it in the “housing available” section. He’s not offering companionship, he’s offering a room for rent. But he doesn’t want cash in exchange for a place to sleep. Instead, he’s soliciting a “homeless girl that wants a place to stay” (of “any RACE,” because he’s an equal-opportunity sleaze) who is under the age of 25 (“Any older than that and you’ll come with an attitude and blame me for your situation”) to be his indentured servant—both inside the bedroom and out.

B93 Radio in Odessa spotted the ad, which reads: 

I work in the oilfield (mid 20’s) and have no time to date so I’m looking for a homeless girl that wants a place to stay . You do not need to work just cook clean and bedroom fun. I want someone I can chill with watch movies with and play PS4 with and gamer girls are a plus. You go from the streets to a big comfortable bed , hot bubble baths , and good food and a person to cuddle with on the couch. I want a girl to take to movies walks in the park , and to share hot coco with when the winter comes. You must be drug free and willing to stay that way. I have a high sex drive and love to cuddle. If this sounds like something you would be willing to try please send a couple pics to prove you are real and put the word “Home” in the title. You must swallow. I am real and it has been a little rainy lately, in fact it’s raining right now and all weekend!! Any RACE is fine under 25 preferred. Any older than that and you’ll come with an attitude and blame me for your situation…..!! Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks

Perhaps there are an abundant number of Craigslist-surfing, drug-free, under-25, sexy gamer girls sleeping on the streets in the Permian Basin, eager to enjoy hot cocoa, walks in the park, and, um, the rest of these “perks” with some random dude who lacks the ability to find a female companion via more traditional means. But if that’s the case, we will admit to being surprised. 

Of course, ads like this aren’t rare on Craigslist—there are no less than three ads on Craigslist Austin right now from bros seeking a lady who is cool with implied sexual subservience to a stranger in exchange for a bed to sleep in. What’s surprising is the extent to which the guy behind this particular ad explicates the fantasy he clearly has for his encounter: He doesn’t just want explicitly specific “bedroom fun,” he also wants somebody to watch movies and play latest-gen console games with. Additionally, he wants that Call Of Duty-loving sexual servant to be content to interrupt her gaming time to cook and clean at his command, because what’s the point of seeking a young homeless hottie for indentured servitude if she can’t fulfill every need you might have in exchange for a bed to sleep in, which he totally already has anyway, so all of this is really just gravy for him.

In any case, we expect that the hours move slowly sometimes in the oil fields, so we won’t begrudge this guy the chance to share his fantasy for the bizarre meet-cute he’s conceived of via Craigslist. We suspect that the sort of guy who is so open about his desire to provide literally nothing except a bed to sleep in to someone who will be entirely subservient to his needs gets swiped-left more often than not, so let’s allow him to indulge this dream.