Quote of the Day

“Donald Trump is a shape-shifting lizard!”

—a hacked Texas Department of Transportation electronic sign along Interstate 30 in Dallas during Tuesday’s morning commute, according to NBC DFW. A second hacked sign stumped for Bernie Sanders, and a third informed drivers that “Work Is Canceled — Go Back Home.” DOT officials weren’t amused. A department spokesman reminded the station that tampering with a road sign is a felony punishable by up to ten years in prison. Worth it?

Daily Roundup

Toiletries—Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick is stepping up his threat to flush Fort Worth ISD’s decision to implement transgender friendly bathroom guidelines, according to the Texas Tribune. It’s clear that 2016 is the Year of the Toilet for Dan Patrick. In a press conference on Tuesday, Patrick announced that he sent a request for an opinion to Attorney General Ken Paxton (he of the federal lawsuit against the Obama administration’s directive mandating all public schools have transgender friendly restrooms or else lose federal funding). The request asks if Fort Worth ISD’s superintendent and school board have the authority to determine their own bathroom policy. Paxton, of course, will likely rule in favor of Patrick, but here’s where things get a bit clogged: if Fort Worth ISD declines to let Patrick determine who can and can’t use which restrooms in the district, Patrick implied that he and the state legislature would pass a law prohibiting schools from having non-discriminatory bathrooms. The reaction from one group of parents? The whole thing is a “literal pissing contest.” Very good.

The Old Switcheroo—A Dallas baby is back in the arms of its rightful parents after spending some time in El Salvador while an imposter-baby stood (er, crawled) in its place. According to WFAA, Rich Cushworth and his wife Mercedes “Mercy” Casanalles, who is from El Salvador and delivered their child in the Central American country about a year ago, were initially given the wrong baby. “When I got him, I said, ‘This is not my baby,'” Mercy Casanalles told WFAA. Mother is always right. Even after DNA testing proved that the babies had somehow traded places and the respective families were awarded the rights to their proper tiny humans in September, the family was unable to bring their boy home to Texas due to bureaucratic red tape. According to WFAA, the government of El Salvador refused to give the baby a birth certificate or a passport to travel to the U.S. until last week. El Salvadorian officials were reportedly investigating what caused the mix-up, and the family had filed a lawsuit against the obstetrician who delivered their baby. At this point it’s still unclear what happened.

Disturbing Details—Days after a gunman opened fire in a tranquil Houston neighborhood, leaving six injured and two dead (including the gunman), more details are emerging that shed some light on what happened. According to the Houston Chronicle, the gunman, 25-year-old Dionisio Garza III, was a decorated Army veteran who fought in Afghanistan and likely suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. When Garza returned from deployment, his father told KPRC that Garza told him he felt “like a blank sheet of paper” and “like he couldn’t love anymore.” He was discharged in 2014, and his behavior apparently deteriorated, evidenced by social media posts ranting about conspiracies and using racial slurs. Shortly before the shooting, his family said Garza had become obsessed with doomsday scenarios. Garza left his native California for Houston two weeks ago—his cousin told KTRK Garza came here because he liked the state’s loose gun restrictions—but no one knows yet why he chose to target a quiet stretch of Memorial Drive.

Clickety Bits

Travis County Republicans are trying to neuter the guy they elected as party chairman. (Austin American-Statesman)

Someone donated a “selfie statue” to put on display in Sugar Land. (Mashable)

A priceless baseball card collection was discovered in San Antonio. (Forbes)

The state’s first local case of the mosquito-borne disease chikungunya was found in South Texas. (McAllen Monitor

The entire police force in the tiny East Texas town of Cuney resigned. (KYTX)