Quote of the Day

“I was expecting to be doing cartwheels with dildos on my back, but it’s nice to have a civil conversation once in a while too.”

Jessica Jin, to the Texas Observer.

 Just another day in Austin’s open-carry war. This time, Jin, a recent University of Texas grad, took on a group of well-armed protesters all by herself. They apparently had a refreshingly polite debate with the topless protestor.


Daily Roundup

Buckaroo Barry O. — President Barack Obama spent the weekend in the Lone Star State, and he seemed to really embrace his inner Texan. Before Obama talked tech at SXSW, he ordered a bipartisan menu sampling (a Democrat, Independent, and Republican) from the very average Torchy’s Tacos chain—a culinary choice so questionable that it rivals his 2013 Stubb’s feast. In Dallas, he trashed the GOP for “deliberately trying to weaken America,” then willingly donned a cowboy hat. The Dallas Morning News got the scoop from the “awestruck” man who offered POTUS his hat: “My mother was like, ‘Bring me that hat. I’m keeping that hat.’ I think she’s going to put it in a case.” Of course, not all Texans were super excited about Obama’s visit. Gun-rights activists protested outside the Capitol building, and many Austinites worried that Obama’s presence would mix with normally bad SXSW traffic to create an epic deadlock. But Austin’s just too weird to let all that stuff go down exactly the way people would expect. The aforementioned topless counter-protester reclaimed the headlines from the pro-gun demonstrators, and, like most apocalyptic prophecies, “carmageddon” did not come to pass — Austin’s streets were eerily calm during the SXSW/POTUS mashup. However, that $80 parking downtown is a clear sign the end is nigh. Repent! Or, you know, just carpool.

Quarterback Carousel — Two Texas quarterbacks seem to be heading in drastically different directions. The Houston Chronicle profiled new Texans signal-caller Brock Osweiler, who signed a massive contract last week. Osweiler sounds like an unbelievable athlete—a prodigious 6-foot-8 giant who threw down 360-degree dunks in high school and was offered scholarships to play college basketball. But, as the Chronicle notes, the Texans are making a huge financial commitment to a guy who only has seven career starts (the Chronicle also has a detailed tick-tock account of how the Osweiler deal went down, which is worth a read). The native Montanan seems pretty modest, which might keep all that money from clogging his head—his college football coach told the Chronicle that Osweiler is “a class act” and “has no arrogance whatsoever.” Sounds sort of like the anti-Johnny Manziel, who was officially cut by the Cleveland Browns on Friday. If Manziel ever plays again, it apparently won’t be for Dallas, despite owner Jerry Jones’ well-documented infatuation with Johnny Football—at least, that’s what one Cowboys source told the Dallas Morning News.

High Stakes —  The Los Angeles Times profiled the South Texas abortion clinic owned by Whole Woman’s Health, which is at the heart of the Supreme Court case that will likely decide the future of abortion access in Texas and a number of other states. The situation is dire. If the court finds the current Texas abortion law creates an “undue burden” for women seeking abortions, then the clinic will continue to operate. But if the court decides to uphold the law, forcing the Whole Woman’s Health clinic to close, then women in the Rio Grande Valley seeking clinic services would have to trek 230 miles to the nearest open clinic in San Antonio, which would be logistically and financially impossible for many of the impoverished, migrant-worker patients. If that doesn’t count as an “undue burden,” then it’s unclear what else could. Instead of traveling to San Antonio, writes the Times, “desperate women may buy… abortion pills over the counter in Mexico and try to self-induce abortions without consulting a doctor.” Unsurprisingly, a new WalletHub study found Texas to be one of the worst states for women to call home.

Clickity Bits

Contestants at the Houston Rodeo dressed their impossibly fuzzy rabbits in really weird costumes. (Houston Chronicle)

There’s a real-life Hamburglar on the loose in Lufkin. (Lufkin Daily News)

New South Padre Island spring break crowd seems undeterred by that whole headless corpse thing. (San Antonio Express-News)

Some sick identity thieves are preying on a baby who has cancer. (Dallas Morning News)

Last week’s stabbing attack in Jerusalem has random ties to Lubbock. (Lubbock Avalanche-Journal)