Quote of the Day

“My boyfriend (from N.Y.C.) says he’s never been in a state that prints pictures of itself on everything.”

—Austin resident Allison wrote to the New York Times. The Times drew a massive reader response after it tried to figure out what Texas was over the weekend. Non-Texan readers seemed to be a mix of confused and outraged at the Texan way. They just don’t understand.

Daily Roundup

Undead Ted— On Tuesday, Ted Cruz tossed it out there that he may consider un-suspending his failed presidential campaign. Here’s what he told Glenn Beck, according to CNN: “Well, I am not holding my breath. My assumption is that will not happen. But listen, let’s be very clear … we launched this campaign intending to win. The reason we suspended the race last week is with Indiana’s loss, I didn’t see a viable path to victory. If that changes, we will certainly respond accordingly.” The man just can’t let his dead campaign rest in peace. Cruz implied that if he won Tuesday’s Nebraska primary, he might jump back in the mix. Of course, Cruz was getting crushed by Donald Trump when he killed his campaign last week, and re-entering the race would be a futile, almost nihilistic effort. Cruz (thankfully) didn’t win any delegates in Nebraska, and before the primary he added a dose of reality to the comments he made to Glenn Beck, saying, “Let’s be clear, we’re not going to win Nebraska today,” and “I have no interest in a third-party run,” according to the Texas Tribune. But as the Fort Worth Star-Telegram noted, all signs point to Cruz resurrecting his campaign in time for the 2020 election.

Bathroom Battle—Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick continued his toilet crusade on Tuesday in Fort Worth, de facto crashing a Fort Worth ISD board meeting by holding a news conference beforehand to reiterate his call for the district’s superintendent, Kurt Scribner, to resign after the board implemented guidelines that make the school system’s restrooms transgender friendly, according to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Scribner told the Star-Telegram on Tuesday that he had no plans to leave his post or repeal the bathroom policy. The board meeting was reportedly “raucous,” with shouting coming from both sides of the debate during the public comment section. The IRL public comment section seems to have had the vitriolic feel of an Internet comment section. People had signs with hashtags like #protectmykids, and, writes the Star-Telegram, “At one point, police officers forcibly removed a man who they said made a terroristic threat by phone against a trustee. As he was led out, the man shouted, ‘You are making a mockery of our democracy.'” Apparently, some people wanted the chance to vote on the guidelines, but the option to discriminate isn’t really something that belongs on a ballot. From the Star-Telegram‘s account, it sounded like there were only a handful of (very loud) opponents of the restroom policy, anyway. Patrick skipped the meeting (hey, the man is busy—he’s got an entire state’s worth of toilets to look out for).

Cool Cat—Scooter Floyd lives in Mansfield. He turned 30-years-old last month. He wakes up at six in the morning everyday and stays active by jumping on the bed. He has visited 45 of the 50 states. He likes seeing new places and meeting new people and snacking on chicken every other day, and he loves getting blow-dried after baths. Scooter is the world’s oldest cat. Born during the Reagan administration, Scooter was named the world-record holder for feline longevity by Guinness, the Associated Press reported on Tuesday. Scooter’s spryness seems to have outlasted that of his human owner, Gail, who now lives in a nursing home. Scooter is a trooper—according to Guinness, he broke his leg in October 2014 and has been receiving medical care since then. “Scooter is quite an amazing cat, with a strong will to live,” his veterinarian told Guinness. This is particularly commendable considering most cats only have the will to sleep. If you’d like to see more adorable photos of Scooter (because you do, of course), check out the Daily Mail. Fun fact: the oldest cat of all time, Creme Puff, who died at 38, was also a Texan. Apparently, Texas Tough extends to the animal kingdom.

Clickety Bits

Here is what a prom party thrown by Whataburger looks like. (Houston Chronicle)

One order of Dr. Pepper-rat, coming right up. (KPRC)

Alpine electoral officials pulled a “Dewey Defeats Truman” in the mayoral election. (CBS7)

This Lubbock kid got an incredibly rare perfect score on the ACT. (Lubbock Avalanche-Journal)

No bull: Arlington police had to “chase” down a slow-moving male cow on the loose in an urban neighborhood. (WFAA)