Ted Cruz Laments That He's Lost The Vampire Vote

On Sunday night’s episode of True Blood, two vampires went undercover to attend a fundraiser for Ted Cruz at the George W. Bush Presidential Library in Dallas. They fail to admire the former President’s world-famous paintings, despite the great appreciation that vampires usually have for the arts. No, Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) suits himself up like the Rich Texan from The Simpsons and Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) dresses like a big-haired, sequin-wearing unprintable epithet, and the fundraiser ends in a bloodbath at the hands of the yakuza.

It’s all a bit complicated for non-True Blood viewers, but, per the Houston Chronicle, it also made its way onto Senator Cruz’s radar:

“Of all the places I never thought to be mentioned, HBO’s True Blood vampire show would have to be near the top of the list. Sunday night, they aired a misogynist and profanity-ridden episode where Texas Republicans are murdered attending a ‘Ted Cruz fundraiser.'” Cruz said in a Facebook post published Tuesday. “Well, I’m sorry to have lost the vampire vote, but am astonished (and amused) that HBO is suggesting that hard-core leftists are blood-sucking fiends…”

Cruz reiterated his disdain for the depiction in a tweet Tuesday afternoon: “Then again, I guess I never had a chance w/ the vampire vote since the dead tend to vote overwhelmingly for Dems.”

Cruz veers pretty quickly from criticizing the show for its misogyny and profanity (presumably a reference to the unprintable epithet Bauer van Straten utters—click here if you must know) to cracking jokes, which suggests that he probably wasn’t really all that offended. The vampire population in Iowa, where Cruz’s almost-certain future plans for a Presidential run will begin, isn’t rumored to be significant, and while his assumption about HBO’s point are imminently hashtaggable (#NotALLbloodsuckingfiends), he didn’t really get rolling until the Twitter crack, a reference to the sort of vote fraud that Cruz has declared a priority—although its existence is as disputed as that of the vampire voters of Iowa. In any case, Cruz’s light tone about the episode is about right for a cheap shot taken by a trashy, if endlessly compelling, TV series.

You can check out the True Blood gala scene by clicking this link. Just in case the Senator’s own warning that the episode is misogynist and profanity-ridden didn’t catch your eye, we will again mention that this is not safe for work.