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The State of Texas: December 11, 2015

Panel forced to recommend campus guns, the costly T2 embarrassment, and an ultimate drinking warrior.

By Comments

Hanukkah Friday

Have you seen this awesome, giant menorah made out of Legos yet? It’s kind of amazing.

Daily Roundup

Gunning for It — Could anyone have imagined what a mess the state’s soon-to-be enacted gun laws would create even before they went into effect? This week has been particularly nutsy, what with news of fake mass shooting and counter farting protests. Now comes the official recommendation from the University of Texas-Austin panel assigned to coming up with procedures on how to implement campus carry. The group essentially recommend allowing guns, because, well, it’ll be the law. Put another way, they “made that recommendation reluctantly,”and every member (comprised of students, staff, and faculty) thought guns in the classroom a terrible idea, as the Austin American-Statesman writes. The panel did try to put things into perspective, estimating that “less than 1 percent of UT students will have a license to carry a concealed weapon, in part because the state requires a license holder to be 21 years or older.” Needless to say, the gun fight ain’t over. Apart from the planned activities this weekend, and the expected #CocksNotGlocks in the fall, the “organization Gun Free UT i[is] threatening to file a lawsuit.”

Technical Difficulties — Handing out state contracts out like they were SXSW swag sure seems like it was a bad idea in retrospect. The House Appropriations Committee spent four hours examining the absolute disaster involving T2, a $300 million, eight-year effort to create a “better data system to process child support payments and investigations [which] wound up $100 million over budget and years behind schedule,” according to the Statesman. “The project is in such disarray that the federal Office of Child Support Enforcement, which is footing two-thirds of the bill, recently froze its payments.” The number of problems officials detailed at the meeting was longer than any naughty list Santa might come up with. The situation’s so bad, no one’s sure where to start assigning blame, or when, for how long, and to what extent the state’s top leaders like the governor and attorney general were aware of the problem. “I’m not going to call this a challenge,”said Representative Borris Miles at one point. “There are some other words I’d like to call it, but we’re being videotaped.” The project’s still going to happened, with the help of another $20 million.

Chariots of Fire Water — Making New Year’s resolutions about getting fit is nothing new. But you really have no excuse, particularly when you consider El Paso’s iron-lady Elvira “Vera” Montes. “Last week in Austin, the 81-year-old grandmother of three laced up her running shoes and put on her best bitter beer face and competed in the 2015 FloTrack Beer Mile World Championships,” according to the El Paso Times. In the annual contest, racers must chug a beer before the race starts, then down own more at ever quarter-mile mark, all without puking. As the San Antonio Express-News remarked, “Montes finished at 20 minutes and 24.62 seconds, the newspaper reported. Reynolds came in just behind at 21 minutes and 15.67 seconds. Montes’ son-in-law didn’t finish.” Montes had an explanation for why she could’ve done better, though. “I’m not a big beer drinker. I like beer when the weather is real hot and there’s nothing else to drink. I’m really a scotch drinker, Chivas if it’s available. If it was scotch we were drinking instead of beer, I would have run a lot faster.” As the El Paso Times noted, “Montes was the oldest finisher at the second annual run, coming in at 20 minutes and 24.62 seconds, ahead of her daughter, who finished in 21:15.67.

Clickity Bits

Judge Says He Will Rule on Wallace Hall’s Suit for Documents Next Week

These are the Rejected License Plates from November 2015

The State’s Dental Nightmare

Texas A&M Says Goodbye to QB Kyle Allen

Blue Bell Bell Rings in Christmas with Return of Peppermint Ice Cream

Game Time: Match to Slogan to the City

Did we miss something? Got a hot tip? Email us at [email protected]. Or tweet @TexasMonthly and @ThatWinkler.

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  • OldBlindBob

    So the #cocksnotglocks gang is fighting gun culture by celebrating rape culture. Cool.

    • José

      Say what???

      • OldBlindBob

        Try walking down the street with your johnson hanging out and you’ll find out.

        • José

          Read before you post.
          That proposed counterdemonstration involves the open carry of, well, certain personal entertainment devices that resemble the male appendage.

          Additionally, it would be a grievous mistake for you to equate a violent act of sexual assault with the display of private parts, be they real or synthetic. The legal system sort of frowns on folks using the lame excuse of “but she was asking for it!” Or he. Best you learn that fact before the next time that you head to the beach or Barton Springs.

          • OldBlindBob

            Settle down, José. The #cocksnotglocks crowd seems to believe that cardboard street theater guns are the same as real firearms. I’m just challenging them to mirror that idea with their own.

          • José

            Really, they believe that? How do you know? This article doesn’t report any such reaction.

            Perhaps your your comments are based on the misunderstanding that the CNG event was thrown together as a reaction to the “hey let’s play mass murder!” art project. If so then the timing is reversed. CNG was announced by UT students a couple of months ago whereas the outside agitators / wannabe assassins spilled the frijoles this week. I hope that your firearm isn’t as backwards as your timeline! Oops!

          • OldBlindBob

            You’re the confused one, Jose. CNG is a rhetorical non sequitur and the timing is irrelevant. The cardboard gun theater makes the point that cocealed carry is both a deterrent and a defense against a shooter bent on havoc. Some people would rather face an attacker with something more than their dick in their hand.

          • José

            Friend, you’re changing the subject again. I’m merely taking issue with a couple of your assertions that are not substantiated and simply don’t make sense:
            1. CNG is celebrating rape. How does a public display of “personal pleasure objects” as a protest equate support for violent sexual assault?
            2. CNG folks think that cardboard guns are real guns. That’s so dumb that I don’t even know what you mean. It’s certainly possible to be offended by either or both. But not tell the difference? Dude!
            You want to argue the merits of CC? Go right ahead. But don’t pretend that what you said earlier was either correct or factual. That’s all.

          • OldBlindBob

            1. If someone thinks that cardboard guns celebrate gun violence (Some do. Huffpoo readers, for instance.), then I can sarcastically point out that waving dildos around celebrates rape culture. Just to be clear, I don’t believe that CNG is a pro-rape group. I do wonder, though, how a dildo is supposed to make an anti-gun statement.

            2. Again, read some comments on lefty blogs. Those dudes conflate the two. There are predictions that passers-by will think the Austin theater is real and there will be a massive shoot-out.

            Over at Texas Monthly they’re complaining that the protest will disrupt students studying for exams. This makes a huge assumption that any UT students crack a book on weekends.

  • Jorge Jaramillo

    Oralé next time we bring some Chivas for abuela beer is for amateurs! LoL