And that’s the final whistle on the Houston Texans’ season, which ended rather ignobly with a 30-0 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs on Saturday. Afterwards, everyone’s favorite player J.J. Watt, who suffered a groin injury during the game, tweeted out a brief apology to fans. That garnered a response from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who offered the most uplifting speech that only the Terminator could deliver.
— Arnold (@Schwarzenegger) January 10, 2016
We’re Not Gonna Take It — Governor Greg Abbott, who as the Texas Attorney General bragged about waking up and suing Obama, has now waged a full-on revolt of the federal government (eh, sort of). Just before the weekend, Abbott called on other governors to organize constitutional convention, which would be the first since 1787—the only one in U.S. history. In a 90-page plan, Abbott laid out proposed amendments to the Constitution that aim to fight back against what he called the federal government’s “flagrant and repeated violations of the rule of law.” The amendments “would require a balanced U.S. budget and prohibit Congress from regulating any activity ‘that occurs wholly within one state,'” writes the Texas Tribune. “The amendments would also allow states to override federal laws or U.S. Supreme Court decisions if two-thirds of them disagreed and require a seven-justice supermajority for U.S. Supreme Court decisions that invalidate any law passed by state or federal legislators.” Abbott seems pretty unhappy with such federal decisions as trying to create fairer voter representation, affording marginalized groups the same rights such as marriage, and takin’ away our guns. “By law, if 34 states ask for a constitutional convention, they may meet to consider changes. Any amendment would require the support of at least 38 states to become law.” The Tribune called it a “long shot” effort, and the Dallas Morning News described it as “part American civics lesson, part anti-Obama diatribe.” Some experts quoted note that of the 27 amendments to the constitution, none came out of constitutional conventions because “such a process could invite mayhem.” In other words, a great ratings incentive for media!
Broken Bells — The good news for residents of El Paso: you’re finally going to get to enjoy Blue Bell again! The bad news: maybe you shouldn’t. Roughly nine months since the company pulled its products from shelves, El Paso and Las Cruces will have their stocks replenished on Monday, writes the El Paso Times. Unfortunately, this comes just days after Blue Bell announced that it, again, found listeria. The company would “not specify in a statement in which of its three facilities listeria had been found but said that none was found in any of its ice cream. Blue Bell said it is moving to eliminate the bacteria through a ‘seek and destroy,'” according to Fox News. “The company noted that because listeria is commonly found in the natural environment, ‘no manufacturer can ever assume it will be entirely eradicated.'” How comforting that it wouldn’t say which plant! It couldn’t possibly be any worse for the creamery, right? Wrong. As the Houston Press wrote in the final days of December, “the company is now facing a U.S. Department of Justice investigation over the listeria outbreak [and] what Blue Bell management knew about the potentially deadly hazards in their plants and when they knew it.”
Troubled Tonya — The Affluenza Teen affair just keeps on getting weirder. Late last week, Tonya Couch was returned to Texas following her capture in Mexico. And according to her arrest warrant, now made public, Mrs. Couch, “pulled $30,000 from a bank account and told [Ethan Couch’s] father he’d never see them again,” writes the Associated Press. “Details of the cash withdrawal and the warning were released Friday, when a Tarrant County judge set a $1 million bond for Tonya Couch on a charge of hindering apprehension of a felon.” As WFAA notes, her Friday arraignment did not go smoothy. For starters, her lawyer got caught up in traffic and missed the ten-minute appearance. And after the proceedings, “Sheriff [Dee] Anderson told a crowd of reporters that Tonya Couch has complained about jail conditions, saying it was too bright to sleep. Anderson says he told her, ‘it’s jail, not a resort.'” An unnecessary shot? Maybe. In addition to her trouble, a “Tarrant County judge has ordered Tonya Couch to get a mental exam, saying in a court order filed Friday there’s ‘reasonable cause’ to believe she has a mental illness or is ‘a person with a mental retardation,'” according to NBC DFW.