The State of Texas: July 22, 2014

Foodstuff of the Day

The world needed another insane burger option and Carl’s Jr. was there to provide. The chain is now offering something that sounds really awesome, in theory: a sandwich with “spicy barbecue sauce-steeped sliced brisket, fried jalapeño and onion strips, American cheese, an Angus burger patty, and the brand’s special ‘Fresh Baked Buns.'” It’s the entire contents of a BBQ meal and it’s been dubbed the Texas BBQ Thickburger. So, thanks (we think) Carl’s Jr.

Daily Roundup

Troop Movement — Governor Rick Perry is sending 1,000 National Guard troops to the border in order to get a handle on the situation there (or make headlines, according to critics). “The Guard will not act in a primary law enforcement role but rather as a ‘force multiplier’ under ‘Operation Strong Safety,'” according to the Texas Tribune. Adjutant General John Nichols, head of the Texas Military Forces said the force’s main effort will consist of “referring and deterring.” The surge is scheduled from some time in August and is expected to cost about $12 million a month. All told, “Texas could be spending $17 million or more per month for border security when the operation is in full swing.” Unsurprisingly, Democratic critics pounced on the move as a near-craven attempt to appeal to a tough, law-and-order base. Surprisingly, however, those critics do not include gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis who “agreed more law enforcement is needed along the border, and she pointed the finger at Washington leaders who have failed to ‘live up to their responsibility.'”

Fake Blood — Ted Cruz was part of the plotline on HBO’s soft-core, sadomasochistic soap opera, True Blood. Like much of the show’s story and acting, unfortunately, it was not an altogether pleasant experience. In one scene, In one scene, vampires Eric and Pam … “go undercover at a Ted Cruz fundraising event thrown at the George W. Bush Presidential Library in Dallas.” So good so far; sounds like the set-up to a great scene, not to mention a commentary on contemporary American politicking. However, any hopes of a cameo by true Texas — apart from name-checking Cruz, G.W., and Laura, who doesn’t call people back any more, apparently—were drained when vampire Eric showed up in a stereotypical Texas billionaire costume: bolo tie, cowboy boots, twenty-gallon cowboy hat. It couldn’t have been more insulting, although we should all be thankful vampire Eric didn’t stroll in on a horse. Things got ugly and bloody. “Yakuza thugs wielding assault weapons crash the Ted Cruz fundraiser.” Typical. If you’ve been strong enough to stay away from True Blood but want a glimpse of the Texas character massacre, there are clips!

Texasland — Not helping the Texas stereotype but definitely more fun than a True Blood episode, the Grand Texas theme park has announced some featured attractions and a timeline for construction. “[T]he water park is expected to break ground on its first 28-acre phase in September and open next June, the sports complex is scheduled to break ground in August and open in March, and the RV park should break ground by the end of the month and open in February.” Per Texas tradition, it was announced the park will also feature “Motorsportz.” The first 71-acre phase of the theme park is expected to open in May 2016,” according to the Houston Business Journal.