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The State of Texas: June 16, 2014

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Photos of the Day

The future of fun is not only here, it’s in Fort Worth. Some “flyboarders” were snapped practicing their moves for next month’s Fourth of July festivities. These fly cats apparently “shoot into the air and can swim underwater with water-propelled jetpacks,” which in layman’s terms means they do really cool stuff:

Trailer of the Day

Just when you thought it was safe to see the first and best Texas Chain Saw Massacre (sorry, Matthew McConaughey) is about to be re-released, recycled restored on the big screen this summer. Just in time for its fortieth anniversary, too.

Anecdote Monday

ESPN has a nice piece about how underrated the Spurs’s Boris Diaw really is. It includes a great little anecdote that’s worth quoting in full:

“Boris walks into the gym one day wearing flip-flops and holding his customary cappuccino, which was a staple for him every morning,” Griffin recalled. “It was during pre-draft workouts, so he sees the Vertec [machine] and asks what it is.

“We tell him it measures your vertical leap by determining how many of the bars you

can touch. He asks what’s the highest anyone has ever gone, and we tell him Amare’ [Stoudemire] cleared the entire rack. “Boris puts down the cappuccino, takes off his flip-flops and clears the entire rack on the first try. Then he calmly puts his flip-flops back on, picks up his cappuccino and walks away, saying, ‘That was not difficult.'”

Daily Roundup

Spurs, Spurs, Spurs, Spurs, Spurs — That’s five “Spurs,” one for every single NBA Championship that belongs to our state’s beloved team (one out of three, ain’t bad). What’s more, the nicest champion you’ll ever know, Tim Duncan—plus the rest of the great squad—has his just reward. Revenge against the Heat was a dish best served cold, and man-oh-man did the Heat get served. First there was last night’s final score, 104-87. Then there’s the series itself. “All four of the Spurs wins …came by 15 or more points” making them “the first team in the history of the NBA Finals to win three straight games in the same series by that margin.” Miami’s defeat was so crushing, you almost feel bad for them. Almost. As expected, the entire city of San Antonio went full-court wild. The San Antonio Express News was on the ground after the victory. The jubilent quotes they’ve collected are rather sweet and touching (including the one about cops and revelers getting along). And although they undoubtedly had an alternative headline sitting on the bench, the Express-News immediately put out its fantastic, full-front-page spread. If you didn’t get a chance to roam the Victory City after the game, you really should check out the Express-News‘s Twitter feed, which is chock-full of party pics.

What News? — There’s a Texas-sized media blackout going on. “Texas’ oil and gas regulator has instituted a blanket policy barring staff from doing media interviews,” according to the Associated Press. ” …The three-member Texas Railroad Commission … approved the policy in August … Since then, all media inquiries have been funneled through a spokeswoman who responds via email and bars any direct access to staff.” Perhaps you’re asking, “What the frack is going on?” Clearly, no one at the TRC can tell you. Neither can they say much about large chemical supplies being stored in Texas (the kind that caused the West, Texas, explosion). Effective since March 1, the Department of State Health Services, which “collects and maintains information on large chemical supplies across Texas has stopped sharing it with the public,” reports the Dallas Morning News. “The department’s change in disclosure, combined with the AG’s ruling, means the public has no easy way to obtain years of inventory records for multiple chemical-using businesses. Instead, the public can only ask an individual business for a copy of its most recent inventory — far less information than the state could release if it chose to.” And in a recent email obtained by the AP, an “assistant chief patrol agent … warned more than 3,000 Border Patrol agents” not to talk with journalists curious about the recent undocumented immigrant surge and “warned that anyone who does could be charged with a crime or disciplined administratively.” Don’t worry, though. The government’s got everything under control. You’ll just have to take their lack of any word for it.

Only the Good Retire Young — How’d you like to retire before hitting 35? Vince Young said Saturday that he’s hanging up his cleats. “It’s definitely official I think in my book,” he said, according to KXAN. “Unless we get a great opportunity, something guaranteed…other than that I’ve started moving forward in some things.” Even if he did quit, those “other things” sound pretty great for Texas. Young said before that “he would likely take a job with the University of Texas as an ambassador for the school once his playing career ended. That’s still part of his plan. ‘Right now we’re going through details.'” There’s another Texas twist to this tale, too. “[Young] went to minicamp with the Cleveland Browns in May but was released less than two weeks later after the team drafted Johnny Manziel.”

Average Bowe — Army Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl, the controversial POW who had been held captive by the Taliban for five years, arrived in San Antonio Friday to begin physical and psychological treatment. He apparently “looked good” upon arriving home. “Bergdahl is working daily with health professionals to regain a sense of normalcy and move forward with his life,” reports the AP, and “Officials said there is no timeline for the final step in Bergdahl’s reintegration process.” According to the account, Berghahl “has been on a bland diet and has shown a fondness for peanut butter.”

Clickity Bits

Border Watchmen Not Entirely Sure Who They’ll Be Watching

A Muslim Walks Into a GOP Convention … (via Bud Kennedy)

Mind If We Bury Uranium in West Texas?

Good News: It’s Raining. Bad News: It’s Raining Money. Worse News: It’s Fake Money

How The Mafia Took Over a Las Colinas Mortgage Company

Water Parks Dern Sure They’re Not Using Up All the Water

Did we miss something? Got a hot news tip? Send it our way:[email protected]. Or tweet Texas Monthly and Jeff Winkler

 

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