The State of Texas: March 21, 2014

Proposal Friday

The trend of high-schoolers asking celebrities to the prom in open videos continues. This time, it’s an Austin student who, despite probably knowing about John Mayer’s reputation, would still very much like the musician to be her date. The fun twist? The hopeful young thing proposes via a lovely acoustic number, with lines explaining how she could’ve seen him in person, “if your manager wasn’t such a douche.” Actually, they sound like a perfect couple:

RIP

Famed political operator Robert S. Strauss went to that Big Smoke-Filled Room In The Sky on Wednesday. As the Washington Post notes in its obituary, the “smooth-talking Texas lawyer and businessman … became a consummate political insider and played a key role in reviving the Democratic Party’s fortunes after its landslide loss to Republicans in the 1972 election.”

Daily Roundup

Starr Testimony — Nineteenth State District Judge Ralph Strother took all the fun out of jury duty on Wednesday when he excused Ken Starr from his civic duty. The Clinton-era special prosecutor was dismissed from serving in the capital murder trial, after a request from the prosecution because of “reservations he expressed about the reliability of eyewitness and inmate testimony and cases heavy on circumstantial evidence,” according to the Waco Tribune. If only there was a blue dress! Like everybody else forced to serve on jury duty, Starr said that task “would present a ‘substantial hardship’ for him.” Unlike the other lowly jurors, however, that hardship was due to upcoming speaking engagements and, as the Tribune put it, “his rigorous travel schedule.” Also uncharacteristic of potential jurors, Starr said he would’ve been “eager” to perform his civic duty.

Sin Liquors — Austin-based Twin Liquors stands accused, by the TABC as well as state and federal investigators, of having “ties to notorious local nightclub operator Yassine Enterprises,” according to the Austin American-Statesman. (Are we back in the Roaring Twenties?) The information of an investigation of Twin Liquors and its link to Yassine comes from a lawsuit filed by the company, claiming the TABC “is seeking to revoke the company’s liquor permits because state and federal investigators believe Twin Liquors had dealings with Yassine Enterprises. …The suit, filed in Travis County District Court, contends that Twin Liquors has been denied access to documents, has been prevented from questioning witnesses and that the TABC has exceeded its statutory authority.” It’s like The Untouchables but with Texas accents, y’all!

The Lawsuit Of Ricky Bobby — You don’t mess with Ricky Bobby, especially when the character is owned by mega-movie company Columbia Picture. “Columbia Pictures is suing [Rick’s Cabaret] the Houston company that owns Ricky Bobby Sports Saloon and Restaurant, accusing it of trademark infringement and illegal use of the name and other marks associated with the character played by Will Ferrell [in the 2006 movie, Talladega Nights],” according to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. The lawsuit has some real gems in it, claiming the bar is “using intellectual property that is ‘uniquely identifiable with the picture, such as scantily clad waitresses referred to as ‘smokin’ hotties.'” Rick’s Cabaret has declined to comment, but pray to Lord Baby Jesus that this thing goes to trial.

Democratic Malfunction — So much for Democrat claims that voter fraud never happens. “A state District Court judge on Wednesday ordered the impounding of all voting machines used in the Hidalgo County Democratic primary this year,” according to The Monitor. The impound comes from an application from the District Attorney’s Office, which is overseen by Rene Guerra who recently lost his re-election campaign yet is “adamant his electoral loss was not the reason he ordered the investigation.”

Pure Madness — Holy Moly. Did you see UT’s 87-85 win over Arizona State last night? What a thrill! It was also, according to ESPN, the “first, true buzzer-beater in three years of the tournament.” Jonathan Holmes shot an nasty three-pointer that was rebounded and repackaged by center Cameron Ridley. Even the Houston Chronicle kept its excitement in check. “UT didn’t exactly enter the tournament oozing bracket-survival potential. The Longhorns had lost five of their previous eight games, and in recent weeks looked poised for the latest in a growing line of sputtering March finishes.” So the game-winning shot wasn’t pretty, but hey, losing’s even uglier. On Saturday the Longhorns will need more than luck when they play number-two seed, Michigan.