The State of Texas: Nov. 18, 2013
GIF of the Day
Unable to get much winning done, the Houston Texans have turned to eating their own. Case in point: Quarterback Matt Schaub and wide receiver Andre Johnson had a sideline spat near the end of Houston’s Sunday loss to the Oakland Raiders. Watch Schaub turn his head like “whatever, dude,” over and over again.
Video of the Day
Texas Monthly‘s own Daniel Vaughn might need to keep a watchful eye on a kid named Ike. The littlest food critic has a new YouTube show called “Ike’s Meat Sweats,” and his first episode is about Franklin Barbeque, which includes an interview with Aaron Franklin himself.
Three Go Free? — Three members of the “San Antonio Four” are likely to see their freedom again after a judge reviews “findings of fact that will be sent to the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals,” according to the Associated Press. Nineteen years ago, the women were found guilty of raping two girls, though the four women maintained their innocence. Only years later was the “science and forensic testimony that many attributed to their conviction was found to be inaccurate,” according to Texas Public Radio. And then there’s the fact that the star witness has all but recanted her testimony. Everyone seems to want to put this whole ugly mess behind them. The Bexar County district attorney has said she will not seek another trial, and another Bexar County prosecutor says the original sentences should be vacated.
Gentlemen, Cut Your Engines — Do you live in the Austin area? Do you hear that strange sound in the air? That’s called “silence.” And it’s what happens when F1 racing ends. How’d it go? A German won, and hunky actor Gerald Butler made a dork-face. The event also wasn’t as popular as it was last year, but it also wasn’t as pathetic as media outlets had been so eagerly hoping suggesting. The final race brought in about three thousand fewer attendees than last year, with about 15,000 less for the entire three-day event. That still makes it the second-largest sporting event in the city. The most important takeaway from the festivities though, is that Yankees and Europeans are a bunch of wussies when it comes to November heat.
Welcome To Sex/Dentistry Ed — “People want to marry a virgin, just like they want a virgin toothbrush or stick of gum,” reads a line from the Canyon School District’s sex-ed curriculum. (Maybe that’s why Bubblicious’s Hussy Hibiscus flavor never caught on.) Canyon ISD is now coming under fire for its sixth grade sex ed class that compares getting lucky to some ABC gum. According to Fox 14, the “school district says the toothbrush/chewing gum analogy is part of the section on spreading germs and sexually transmitted diseases.” Had you not been (s)macking on that Juicy Fruit, you’d probably understand that. The abstinence-only program is based on the “Reality Check” curriculum, ironic since such abstinence programs reportedly seem to have the opposite effect—kids end up chewing like crazy anyway, say nothing of spittin’ out even more Chiclets as a result. School officials said they would remove the line.
Land Of Opportunity (And Safety) — Requests from Mexican nationals seeking political asylum in the U.S. have quadrupled since 2009, according to a radio piece from Fronteras. Once reserved for those stuck between wars between rebel factions, guerrilla campaigns, and general Latin America chaos, these “political refugees” are just trying to escape the mayhem brought on by the drug cartels. To gain asylum, however, people have to prove that they’re victims of “politically motivated violence.” Considering that the U.S.’s disastrous War on Drugs is often blamed for exacerbating Mexico’s current situation, perhaps this isn’t that loco of a request. The U.S., obviously, disagrees. “More than 90 percent of asylum requests from Mexico are eventually denied,” according to the AP.
Obligatory Mack Brown Mention — We’d create some sort of “Mack Brown Job Status” color-coded alert chart, except it’d always be on the highest and reddest alert. So what’s the point? Pretending to have “news,” the Dallas Morning News says “Hot seat gets hotter as Texas’ lopsided loss fuels fire for Mack Brown’s critics.” Whispering magical words like “Saban,” is one thing, but you know the situation is dire when someone creates a GIF that perfectly captures the coach’s last, unfortunate days.