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The State of Texas: Oct. 30, 2013

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Inspiration of the Day

Frisco seventh-grader Tyler Sampson has one hand and plays football. Not the European kind involving feet, but real gridiron—offense and defense. “When I play,” said Sampson in a video, “they underestimate me.” You now have no excuse for complaining about the little inconveniences in your daily life.

Roadside attractions

The San Antonio Express-News has a silly-fun slideshow reminding us of all the special treats available at Buc-ee’s, though it might be more useful naming the few things you can’t get at the Eighth Wonder of Texas. The only thing not mentioned in the list are Buc-ee’s porcelain thrones.

A Bum Memorial

Lakewood Church, the mega-sanctuary in Houston*, hosted the memorial for legend Bum Phillips. The service was appropriately Texan, with a ginormous (18-foot!) flower wreath shaped like an oil tower.

Daily Roundup

His is Here — After a long match to wrestle back control of his namesake company, Michael Dell finally has complete private ownership of the former computer empire. Now comes the hard part. “The Round Rock-based computer maker announced the completion of its $24.9 billion buyout by founder and CEO Michael Dell and his investment ally, Silver Lake Partner,” according to the Austin American-Statesman. “Today, Dell enters an exciting new chapter as a private enterprise,” said Dell. As noted by Loren Steffy in Texas Monthly a couple months ago, that new chapter will be filled with more epic challenges than a episode from Gilgamesh. “Sales are expected to tumble 7 percent this year and keep falling” and a “consulting firm … predicted the company’s sales would decline through 2016.” Be sure to read Steffy’s August piece on Dell for a look inside the company’s hardware.

Starting A Prison Riot — Lite Guv David Dewhurst has an, er, interesting strategy. Less than a month after calling for President Obama’s impeachment, Dewhurst is now demanding that the Prez fork over millions of dollars. It’s almost like a teenager saying “I hate you, Dad!” then asking for his allowance. In this case, Dewhurst wrote a letter “demanding that the president pay for the 130,000 undocumented immigrants who are housed in county jails across Texas — a tab that could run nearly $157 million in the past two years alone.” While there probably should be some federal help when forced to do all the heavy lifting with border security, the angry letter is unlikely to win hearts, minds, and/or wallets. As noted by the Statesman, the letter is more for Dew’s conservative self-esteem. The Lite Guv “has made a sharp turn to the right in his political rhetoric since losing a U.S. Senate runoff to tea party star Ted Cruz in July 2012 base.” Up next: Dew demands to see Wendy Davis’s birth certificate proper voter ID.

Killer Captured — Details have begun to emerge in the Terrell shooting spree that left five dead and has caught the attention of national media. After a manhunt, Charles Everett Brownlow was captured early Tuesday morning and “charged with one count of capital murder and one count of evading arrest in a vehicle,” with more charges expected, according to the Reuters report. The investigation is ongoing and police have yet to find a motive for the terrible events. Not that any would make sense.

Brown Is Down — The infamous hand doctor, Michael Brown suffered a heart attack late last week, according to the Houston Chronicle. Perhaps years of wild courtroom battles, nasty divorces, sexual deviance, bankruptcy, and jail are contributing causes. Brown went into cardiac arrest in Miami where he’s been staying during his ongoing Houston bankruptcy case. According to the court files, “Dr. Brown remains hospitalized and is incapacitated … The extent of the damage he has suffered is unknown; however, it appears to be severe.”

Football Commandos — As if having Coach Ryan Gosling wasn’t enough, Texas Tech has unveiled the players’ awesome new outfits that look like a cross between a superhero’s costume and a Navy SEAL uniform. The latter reference is apt since the special-edition uniforms are in support of the Lone Survivor Foundation, retired SEAL (and Houstonian) Marcus Luttrell’s organization that supports service members and their families.

Clickity-Click These Extra Bits

Existential Crisis For One In Seven Dallas Voters

Geronimo Joe Biden Drops In For A Visit

Greatest Generation’s Greatest Man Receives State’s Greatest Military Honor

Cruz Begins Whispering Presidential Prayers

Regent Will Testify But Wants Legal Hall Pass

Plano Couple Sues to Overturn State Gay Marriage Ban

Did we miss something? Got a hot news tip? Send it our way: [email protected]. Or tweet Texas Monthly and Jeff Winkler

*Corrected. We Regret the error

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