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The Three-Story Closet In The Woodlands Is Up For Auction

Oh, and the house that comes with it too.

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Inside Theresa Roemer's three-story closet.
Platinum Luxury Auctions

If all that was keeping you from owning the world’s most famous three-story closet nirvana was its $12.9 million listing price, you are in luck. Theresa Roemer’s $500,000, 3,000-square-foot “she-cave” and the 17,300-square-foot home in The Woodlands that comes with it are going up for auction later this month, and you might be able to get them for a steal.

Last year our own Skip Hollandsworth profiled Roemer, mostly focusing on the closet and the events of 2014, a roller coaster ride of a year that found the then-53-year-old socialite, philanthropist, and author alternately reveling in the pleasures of her closet and dealing with the fallout of the fame after a cat burglar swiped a reported $1 million worth of jewelry and apparel from her she-cave.

And then there was the bizarre post-burglary blackmail plot:

Theresa claimed that close to $1 million worth of jewelry, watches, and handbags was stolen. But two weeks later, the burglar, using a burner phone and a voice modulator, called a reporter for the Houston Press, an alternative weekly newspaper, and declared that some of the stolen jewelry was fake. To prove his or her assertion, the burglar mailed the Press a few pieces of costume jewelry, which did indeed belong to Theresa. “I contacted Theresa Roemer and explained to her that her items were fake,” the burglar told the Press. “I requested over half a million dollars to return her items and not expose her to the news. . . . The deal never went through. I’m following through with my threat.”

As Hollandsworth detailed, Houston bloggers speculated that the Texas fashionista had hired someone to raid her closet so she could cash an insurance claim. But the case got even weirder:

There was also a rumor that sounded so preposterous that it made people laugh out loud: Theresa had been burgled by someone she knew, someone determined to humiliate her and expose her extravagant lifestyle. But in fact, the police didn’t find the rumor preposterous at all. One man whom detectives labeled a person of interest in the case was 32-year-old Maximillian Roemer, one of Lamar’s children from his previous marriage. Maximillian had made no secret of his dislike of Theresa and the money she spent. A few days before the burglary, with Lamar’s blessing, Theresa had sued Maximillian for defamation of character, alleging that he had been posting nasty comments about her on Neiman Marcus’s blog and on at least one other website, using different aliases. According to the lawsuit, he had called her “Satan’s hardest worker” and “nothing but an escort,” and he’d also written that Lamar wasn’t happy with her “crazy money spending and bragging.”

That suit quickly settled, and neither side has spoken about the matter since. In December 2014, Theresa and her oilman husband put the house on the market for a cool $12.9 million, a hefty asking price that astonished many real estate experts in Houston’s post-oil boom economy. The listing agent? Theresa Roemer herself, who dusted off her own license to try to sell her place.

In the meantime, Roemer, a “fitness expert, former U.S. Open bodybuilding champion, certified personal trainer, and media personality” has co-written a book: Naked In 30 Days: A One-Month Guide to Getting Your Body, Mind and Spirit in Shape.

It’s been quite a couple of years. At the time her house went on the market, Roemer described it as a mere flip. “This house was never meant to be a house that we would live in together,” Theresa told the Houston Chronicle. “It was always meant to be a house to flip. I want to build another one and build a bigger closet.”

Can she do it? We’ll see. Meanwhile, the “Suburban Sanctuary” is on the auction block. Notes the ad:

The vast master suite offers an impressive bath, along with walk-in closets for him and her. Her walk-in certainly steals the show, boasting three stories and more than 3,000 sf of space! Closet features include custom built-ins and display lighting throughout, a spiral staircase, vanity station, champagne bar, and climate control for furs and special garments.

Up until the sale date of July 30, prospective buyers can visit the closet and attached mansion, now selling at or above a mere $5 million, daily between noon and four in the afternoon. But with even night time lows in the Houston area at record highs, you might want to leave your furs behind.

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