In a tradition dating back to 1974, we’ve annually produced the Bum Steer Awards, a dishonorable distinguishment bestowed upon the nitwits and knuckleheads that make news across the state—and nation—when they misbehave. Every time we release the latest batch of awards, our dear readers write to us, providing their own Bum Steer headlines. And pretty often, they’re pretty funny. Not funnier than ours, of course [editor’s note: lead Steer writer Rich Malley told me I have to write this or he’ll make me go hunting with Dick Cheney]. When we get these submissions, we sometimes wish we had put them in the magazine.
Well, we’re done wishing in one hand and you-know-what-ing in the other. In this digital age we live in, we’ve realized we can turn to you for instant feedback—a double-edged sword if you ever read our Facebook comments. Anyway, before we unveil the winners of our 2015 awards, we thought we’d ask our readers to take a crack at writing some Bum Steers headlines for us. Mostly because deadline is looming, we’re tired and lazy, and we’re looking to get some free work out of people (please don’t read this Department of Labor). So if you’ve always fancied yourself to be a funny girl or guy, here’s your chance for fame in the form of getting your name and submission published in the January issue.
Leave your witty, quippy headline for one, two, or all of the three steers below in the comments section, or tweet us @TexasMonthly with the hashtag #bumsteer (that character restriction will really encourge pithiness).
1. The San Jacinto Battle Monument and Museum failed in a public bid to lobby the Illinois State Military Museum to loan Santa Anna’s wooden leg from its collection. The Texas museum has long coveted the item, though Santa Anna got the prosthetic after losing his leg while fighting against the French in Mexico, two years after his defeat at San Jacinto.
2. Kendall Jones of Cleburne sparked widespread outrage for Facebook photos from a hunting trip to Africa. The photos show the 19-year-old beaming as she sits next to or on top of the many exotic wild animals she killed, which included a lion, a rhino, and an elephant. Responding to a torrent of criticism, Jones suggested that some of the animals had only been tranquilized.
3. Lufkin police responded to a domestic dispute in which a man charged that his sister had slapped his wife in the face with a catfish.
(And for a little inspiration, here are the headlines for last year’s Bum Steers.)