Sunday’s Golden Globes was the biggest story in Hollywood this week, but it barely made a dent here in Hollywood, Texas. Blame it on the state’s weak filming incentives, or the fact that the Walker, Texas Ranger reboot hasn’t launched yet, but the ceremony was noticeably light on Texans (save, perhaps, for Ricky Gervais’s Ted Cruz-approved skewering of woke celebrity liberals). Even Entertainment Weekly had to stretch to call this quick party snap of Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler a Friday Night Lights “reunion.” Still, you could argue that Renée Zellweger made up for this all by herself with her Best Actress acceptance speech, which the Judy star—and Katy native—delivered in a Texan accent so thick that Twitter soon lit up with confused people just now learning that their beloved Bridget Jones regularly drops the word “y’all.”
Zellweger used her time not only to pay tribute to Judy Garland or blow viewers’ minds with her natural drawl, but to allude wryly to her long absence from the Golden Globes stage and from Hollywood in general. “Y’all look pretty good seventeen years later,” she said, nodding to her last win for 2003’s Cold Mountain (in Twitter’s defense, her accent was not nearly so pronounced back then). In fact, more than a few people seemed to believe that, in that interim, she’d become possessed by Matthew McConaughey, so closely did her cadence and general ramblin’ vibe mirror that of her old Texas Chainsaw Massacre costar. Perhaps it’s time to reunite the two for a Face/Off remake that would dominate next year’s awards.
Alamo Drafthouse Gets Into Books
Austin-based theater chain Alamo Drafthouse has dominated the moviegoing experience, even turning a profit from a generation for whom the “moviegoing experience” sounds antiquated. Now it’s hoping to mine another entertainment format that’s been left for dead, launching a publishing arm with, appropriately enough, a book about VHS tapes. Stuck on VHS: A Visual History of Video Store Stickers features essays from the Alamo’s resident “VHS Culture Captain” Josh Schafer on, yep, the stickers that video stores used to stick on videocassettes exhorting patrons to “Be Kind, Rewind” and other appeals to society’s better nature, before streaming finally relieved us of such burdens. Stuck on VHS made its debut this week at the Austin stop of the VCR Party Tour, and it’ll be available for ordering online beginning January 20 and then at the Alamo itself, as well as in whatever bookstores are left out there. Maybe the Alamo could also open a few of those?
Lizzo Shamed by Biggest Loser’s Jillian Michaels
Houston-bred singer Lizzo is nearly rivalling the Alamo Drafthouse in ubiquity right now, and already The Year of Lizzo looks to be extending its run until further notice. This week, Lizzo made news with the fact that she’ll take the main stage at June’s Bonnaroo festival in Tennessee—the first woman to headline the festival in its eighteen-year history. Lizzo noted the accomplishment on Instagram with characteristic flair (“It’s about damn time! Y’all ready to watch herstory, bitch?!?”) but notably didn’t put any kind of spin on it for Twitter, a service she left this week after getting understandably burned out on trolls.
Unfortunately for Lizzo (and for everyone else), Twitter long ago spilled out into the waking world, as evidenced by the comments this week from personal trainer and The Biggest Loser star Jillian Michaels. Appearing on Buzzfeed News’ AMD2M, Michaels asked of Lizzo, “Why are we celebrating her body? Why does it matter? Why aren’t we celebrating her music? ‘Cause it isn’t gonna be awesome if she gets diabetes.”
.@JillianMichaels on Lizzo: "Why are we celebrating her body? Why does it matter? Why aren't we celebrating her music? 'Cause it isn't gonna be awesome if she gets diabetes." pic.twitter.com/FkKBd8J87b
— AM2DM by BuzzFeed News (@AM2DM) January 8, 2020
The comments earned a predictable backlash—and a just-as-predictable doubling down from Michaels, who later posted a statement saying that, while “we are all beautiful, worthy, and equally deserving … there are serious health consequences that come with obesity—heart disease, diabetes, cancer to name only a few.” Granted, as many have pointed out, time and again, Lizzo suffers from none of those things. But then, Michaels’s brand depends on offering such unsolicited criticism masquerading as phony concern, all while peddling an image of a certain, fixed body type. To Lizzo’s credit, she seems to have muted Michaels like any other troll: Her Instagram this week was focused on sharing the meditative mantra: “This is my life. I have done nothing wrong. I forgive myself for thinking I was wrong in the first place. I deserve to be happy.” It’s the kind of healthy detoxing that Jillian Michaels could never achieve, not even with a daily dose of fraudulent supplements.
Jamie Foxx Headed to The Masked Singer
Deadline reports that Dallas-born Renaissance man Jamie Foxx will appear as a guest judge on this year’s post-Super Bowl episode of The Masked Singer, the reality competition that combines the thrill of celebrity talent shows with the uncomfortable stirrings of furry conventions. Foxx will join host Nick Cannon and the regular panel of Ken Jeong, Jenny McCarthy, Nicole Scherzinger, and Robin Thicke for the third season premiere of the surprise hit, bringing his particularly Jamie Foxx-ian brand of bemused delight to the menagerie of singing stars pretending to be robots and bananas. It’s a full-circle moment for Foxx, who recently had to address the rumors that he was the Fox who sang Jamie Foxx’s “Blame It” during the show’s second season—it was later revealed to be Wayne Brady. One can only hope that Foxx will repay the favor by performing in a giant, plush Wayne Brady costume.
Post Malone Does Pantera
We’re not sure who needs to hear this, but here’s a video of Dallas star Post Malone, shirtless and screaming out Pantera’s classic metal bruiser “Walk” at karaoke, backed by Beach Fossils’ Dustin Payseur. They also do an improvised rap about wearing Timberlands on their hands. It’s definitely a different sound for the emo-rap-whatever singer, who also recently hung out with Pantera front man—and fellow Metroplex breakout—Phil Anselmo. But for those who prefer their artists’ music to more closely reflect their choice in face tattoos, it’s certainly not an unwelcome one.
THIS WEEK IN MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
This week began a whole new decade in Matthew McConaughey, and with it came a moment of somber self-reflection, with the star musing upon the dawning of another year while staring meaningfully at a Christmas wreath. “2020, what’s that about?” McConaughey asks the wreath, and thus the world. “Well, if 2019 was [adopting Wooderson voice] ‘It’d be a lot cooler if you did…,’ I’m looking for 2020 to be ‘a lot cooler ‘cuz we do.’” McConaughey capped off this blissful realization with “See you there,” suggesting that whoever puzzles out what the hell he’s talking about will then uncover the clue to his location, where Matthew McConaughey will reveal the universe’s secrets to them at last. So enjoy the next twelve months of working on that.
In the meantime, McConaughey already seems to be abiding by his 2020 … credo? Let’s go with “credo.” According to his social media, he spent the past week doing various things that indeed appear to be pretty cool, including reveling in the Longhorns’ victory at the Alamo Bowl, hiking through Patagonia with his son, and enjoying some pun-filled flashbacks to his role in Interstellar.
And of course, he’s been plenty busy promoting his new film The Gentlemen, including sitting down with costar Hugh Grant for a Unilad interview where McConaughey shared his love of spending a luxurious evening clipping his nails, his firm belief that he would make an excellent symphony conductor, and his conviction that one day he’ll die while being eaten by a crocodile in the Niger River—a scenario he says he’s dreamed about no less than three times. We’re not sure what year will be “a lot cooler ‘cuz I get eaten by a crocodile” for Matthew McConaughey, but suffice it to say, it probably lends a real sense of purpose to this one.