If South Carolinians love Texas politicians as much as 44-year-old Derek Gene Woodrow loves the Dallas Cowboys, there might be hope for Rick Perry yet.

As CBS Charlotte reported, Woodrow, who lives in Rock Hill, South Carolina, took last Sunday’s playoff-killing, season-ending Cowboys loss to the New York Giants particularly hard: When his 24-year-old nephew Larry Christopher McAllister wouldn’t turn off NBC after the game ended, Woodrow went ballistic (needless to say, his anger also involved alcohol). 

As the York County Sheriff’s Office police report tells it:

Larry stated that Derek got mad because his football team lost and he told Larry to change the channel. Larry informed me that both parties had been drinking. Larry advised that Derek stood up and got in his face and screamed at him because he wouldn’t change the channel. Larry stated he asked Derek to get out of his face at which that time he grabbed his head and threw him on the floor.

The ensuing struggle ended with McAllister running out into the parking lot and Woodrow in pursuit, armed with a frying pan and an umbrella. And Woodrow is practically Nate Newton-sized (6’4, 285 pounds), so in the end his nephew felt he had to defend himself with a pocket knife, leaving stab wounds on his uncle’s abdomen and hands. The police agreed, opting not to charge McAllister. Woodrow was charged with third-degree assault and battery.

Not to condone Woodrow’s behavior, but isn’t the fact that he still might have to watch the Saints, Packers, 49ers, or Giants win the Super Bowl punishment enough? Over at Cowboyszone.com, a poster named frozen700 felt Woodrow’s rage was perfectly acceptable:

If the nephew is over 18….fair game. Don’t taunt somebody who has love for something. Especially when that something goes wrong.

Or perhaps these guys are related to Arthur and Archie, the passionate football fans who were allegedly (but probably not) involved in the domestic dispute that occurred at Dallas city councilman (and former interim mayor) Dwaine Carraway’s home just over a year ago—the last time the Cowboys’s season ended badly.

Cracked Stephen Douglas at the Big Lead, “I think we can all agree that this is Jason Garrett’s fault.”