The Texanist: Can I Discipline My Niece Over Spilt Dr. Pepper?
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
A Temple native, David Courtney joined Texas Monthly in October 2005 and in July 2007 debuted his wildly popular advice column, the the Texanist, regularly the magazine’s most-read feature.
In 2017, the University of Texas Press published The Texanist: Fine Advice on Living in Texas, and in 2019, Fox Entertainment optioned the column with plans to develop a television show based on it. At the 37th Annual National City and Regional Magazine Awards, in 2022, the Texanist brought home the highly regarded Herb Lipson Award for Column Excellence. As the Texanist and as himself, Courtney has contributed his talents to such endeavors as the annual Bum Steer Awards, the quinquennial review of the fifty best barbecue joints in Texas, "The 50 Greatest Hamburgers in Texas,” “The 40 Best Small-Town Cafes,” and “Snap Judgment,” a compilation of the ten greatest plays in Texas college football, as well as “The Beachcomber,” for which he walked the entire 65-mile length of Padre Island National Seashore, and “Water, Water Everywhere,” for which he swam buck naked in Lake Travis, outside of Austin.
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
Learning to speak Texan, postprandial bed-sharing, how to start a fire, and a barber shop conundrum.
Watching the Super Bowl on the sly, meeting the Hill Country neighbors, sharing a bed with man and dog, and smoking grapevine.
Enforcing gravel-road etiquette, contemplating “turkey bacon,” reconsidering the bolo tie, and sussing out the true meaning of “goat roper.”
How do I explain topless sunbathing in Austin to my children? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: I was in Austin visiting my brother recently, and he took me and my kids, a nine-year-old girl and a ten-year-old boy, to Barton Springs Pool to go swimming.
Spousal adjustments, fly abatement, soccer parenting, and the truth about creased jeans.
Passing a tractor, building a barbecue pit, luxury pickups, and the trials of a Canadian Texan Down Under.
Picking bluebonnets, pastry terminology, angling laws, and the best way to respond to a speeding ticket.
Nicknames, parental discretion, summer camp, and the best way to talk about breast enlargement.
Animal cruelty, greasy handshakes, offerings of meat, and Texas toasts—the spoken kind.
School colors, wedding music, spare-ticket reimbursement, and why not to plant a mesquite for dear old granddad.
Aisle-scooting etiquette, slaughtering a turkey, skunk remedies, and the proper way to approach a group of ladies at a dance hall.
As anyone who has eaten too many heat-lamp hot dogs smothered in pump chili knows, the foodstuff consumed on the way to your destination can be one of the horrors of the trip. To help guide your gastronomic ramblings this summer, we asked our advice columnist for his five snacks.Beef
Roadside mysteries, state symbols, a daughter’s attire, and the proper display of local feats on water towers.
Rude diners, fraudulent Texans, anniversary presents, and the problem with mail-order steaks.
Can I wear a football jersey to church?
What’s to be done with annoying neighbors?
Can I unfriend a Facebook friend?
Will hiring a yard guy make me soft?
Does keeping a found twelve-pack of beer constitute stealing?
Propane or charcoal?
Location: Padre Island National SeashoreWhat You’ll Need: Sleeping bag, marshmallow-roasting stickSummer is not endless, and neither is the Padre Island National Seashore. But its 67.5-mile length is more than half of the whole of Padre Island, the world’s longest barrier island. And with that comes the
Can I mow my prickly pear?
Must I pose with my kids in the bluebonnets?
What’s the best way to break in new boots?
What to do with a yard full of varmints.
When can a child receive his first gun?
Should men get pedicures?
Can I buy my dateless daughter a homecoming mum?
Can you ask your buddy to put sunscreen on your back?
Can one have too many Texas tattoos?
Help! My campsite neighbors are making love. Loudly.
How high is too high to jack up a truck?
Can you park in your friend’s front yard?
Is it okay to dip and spit at the office?
When is it okay to say you’re from Texas?
Bob Phillips on the roads less traveled.