With OU weekend and another Longhorns home game now behind us (sigh), it’s time to check in once again with “Campus Watch,” the University of Texas police department’s blotter, as drolly reported by Crime Prevention Unit officer Darrell Halstead.

Here’s our favorites from the past few weeks, with highlights bolded for your maximum amusement.

100 BLOCK EAST DEAN KEETON

Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor/Evading Arrest: A UT Police Officer observed a UT student staggering and stumbling behind a retaining wall. When the student saw the marked police vehicle, she tried to run in the opposite direction to no avail. The officer drove around the block and discovered the female student slumped on the ground attempting to belly-crawl under a rail. The officer detected a strong odor of alcohol on the student’s breath and learned she was coming from the Delta Tau Delta fraternity house. The officer learned the student was under the legal age of 21 and was issued a court appearance citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor. The student informed the officer that her big sisters from her sorority, Alpha Chi Omega, had taught her to run away from the police so she could avoid getting into trouble. Occurred on: 9-22-12, at 1:21 AM.

2200 BLOCK SPEEDWAY

Public Intoxication: A UT Police Officer observed a UT student stumbling as she attempted to traverse through her navigational beacons while wearing high heels. During the investigation, the officer detected a strong odor of alcohol on the student’s breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The student informed the officer she was walking home and pointed to a traffic control arm and asked if those things would be in the way. The student was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 9-28-12, at 4:02 AM.

GREGORY GYM, 2101 Speedway

Theft (2 Counts): Two UT students reported their cellular telephones had been stolen. During the investigation, the officer learned the students had placed a white Apple 4S and a black Apple 4S on the bleachers while they played basketball. Afterwards the students were surprised to discover their property had been taken. Loss value: $400.00. Occurred on: 9-30-12 between 10:10 PM and 10:40 PM.Crime Prevention Tip: It is amazing to consider what the IQ levels are of the average UT student. It is equally amazing to consider the average UT student thinks that their property will not be stolen when they leave it unsecured and unattended.

DKR TEXAS MEMORIAL STADIUM: 2200 Robert Dedman Drive

Theft: A non-UT subject reported sometime during the Texas / New Mexico football game her brown leather purse containing credit cards, $40.00 in cash, Apple iPhone, sunglasses, and her UT Athletic spouse card was stolen. During the investigation, the victim stated after she stood up to cheer for one of the many UT touchdowns that night, she realized her purse had been stolen. The officer learned the only reason the police report was filed was due to the victim not being able to obtain football tickets for the up-coming game. Loss value: $440.00. Occurred on 9-08-12.

DKR TEXAS MEMORIAL STADIUM, 2200 Robert Dedman Dr

Public Intoxication / Misrepresentation of Age by a Minor: A non-UT subject approached an officer working the game and appeared to be lost and confused.  When asked if she had been drinking, the subject got all excited and informed the officer that she had.  She then reached into her purse and removed a counterfeit Alabama driver’s license and handed it to the officer. The officer recognized the document was counterfeit and took the subject into custody for Public Intoxication and Misrepresentation of Age by a Minor.  During the investigation, the subject’s mother arrived and informed the officers that her daughter was a former UT student who was in town for the game.  The subject was released to her mother.  Occurred on: 10-06-12, at 6:45 PM.

100 BLOCK WEST 21st STREET

Public Intoxication (2 Counts) / Evading Arrest: A UT Police Officer observed a UT student and a non-UT subject staggering back and forth along the sidewalk. As the subjects were passing by the UTC building, one subject had an over powering urge to begin urinating on the stairs.  The UT student noticed the UT Police Officer approaching and took off running towards a dormitory. After being stopped the non-UT subject attempted to make two telephone calls on a credit card.  The subject dialed the number then placed the card to his ear.  He was a bit taken aback when no one answered. The officer detected a strong odor of alcohol on the subject’s breath.  The non-UT subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and transported him to Central Booking. Prior to being transported to Central Booking the non-UT identified his friend as a UT student.  Additional officers searched for the UT student, but were unable to locate him. Occurred on: 10-06-12, at 1:00 AM.

200 BLOCK WEST 6th STREET

Criminal Mischief : Officers responded to a report of a non-UT subject yelling and pulling out plants from several landscaping beds. The subject admitted to having removed the plants, but thought the police needed to be doing something other than stopping him.  The subject was issued a court appearance citation and released at the scene.  Estimated loss: $25.00.  Occurred on: 10-07-12, at 12:30 AM.

200 BLOCK EAST 21st STREET

Driving While Intoxicated: A UT Police Officer observed a white minivan traveling west with its right turn signal activated but not its headlamps. The vehicle also had a very flat front passenger tire.  The driver, a UT staff member, gave conflicting statements, she stated she was on her way to pick up her children, her brother, friends and believed it was the 35th of July.  The officer administered the Standardized Field Sobriety tests to the driver. The driver displayed a number of clues that indicated she was intoxicated. The staff member was taken into custody for Driving While Intoxicated and transported to Central Booking.  Occurred on: 10-07-12, at 12:47 AM.

300 BLOCK WEST 6th STREET

Public Intoxication: A non-UT subject was discovered laying face down in personalized “Splash Zone.” The officer asked the subject several times from his personal identification, each time the subject handed the officer a Taco Bell napkin.  Austin EMS treated the subject at the scene for alcohol poisoning and transported him to a local area hospital.  Occurred on: 10-07-12, at 12:46 AM.

2600 BLOCK GUADALUPE

Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT Police Officer discovered a UT student who was providing alcohol enriched compost to the local flora.  During the investigation, the officer learned the student was under the legal age of 21 and had been drinking alcohol. The student was issued a court appearance citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor.  Occurred on: 10-06-12, at 3:31 AM.

SAN JACINTO RESIDENCE HALL, 309 East 21st Street

Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT student was discovered passed out in the hall located on the 4th floor.  The responding offices located the student minus his shoes.  The officers detected a strong odor of alcohol on the student’s breath and noted his friends had used magic markers to leave messages on the student’s face, arms and chest. The student could not remember how much alcohol he had consumed.  The officers learned the student was under the legal age of 21 and issued him a court appearance citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor.  Occurred on: 10-14-12, at 6:11 AM.

600 BLOCK WEST 6th STREET

Public Intoxication: A UT Police Officer observed a non-UT subject sitting on a bench.  While the officers watching the subject, the subject fell over, face first, onto the concrete sidewalk.  The officer detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject’s breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The subject informed the officers he was attending the ACL concert and lost all of his friends. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and was transported to Central Booking.  Occurred on: 10-15-12, at 2:35 AM.

SANCHEZ BUILDING, 1912 Speedway
Suspicious Person: Officers responded to a report of a non-UT subject entering into a 5th floor office. A UT staff member described the subject as being very short in stature and wearing a black mask across his eyes. The staff member quickly left the area after notifying the police department. Responding officers surrounded the area and were able to trap the subject using a 12 foot coat rack and a trashcan. The subject was taken into custody and transported to an isolated location and released back into the wild. Occurred on: 10-11-12, at 6:00 AM.

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