Alex Jones Bum Steer

Illustration by Rami Niemi

In 2017, the InfoWars host and Dallas native was even more delusional and unintentionally hilarious than usual. We did our best to come up with fake quotes that were as outrageous as the theories that Jones peddles, but it was really hard. See if you can tell which of these quotes came straight from the horse’s mouth and which are counterfeit.

A) “Now, I’m not saying that Michelle Obama is a trannie, and I don’t hate trannies. I’m a Libertarian. But we have famous photos of her where it appears she has a large bulge in her pants.”

B) “Sloane Stephens? Madison Keys? You’re watching [the U.S. Open women’s final], and you haven’t heard of either player? This is NASA-level human experimentation . . .  A million women marching on Washington and there’s no bathrooms? Those women were enhanced in some way. Wonder Woman’s a part
of this.”

C) “I’ve been to these events, a lot of the KKK guys with their hats off look like they’re from the cast of Seinfeld . . . Literally, they’re just Jewish actors. Nothing against Jews in general, but they are leftist Jews that want to create this clash, and they go dress up as Nazis.”

D) “[Jeff Bezos] is trying to replace you with robots. He’s a super uncool guy.”  

E) “My daughter and I listened to the devil’s wails in the car pulling up to Torchy’s Tacos, and his stage name is Ed Sheeran.”

F) “I watched that Shark Week show, Phelps vs. Shark, and I wasn’t rooting for the shark. I wasn’t rooting for Michael Phelps either. They’re both robots.”

G) “It isn’t the statue removals that got me. Rip ’em out. Whatever. Nobody looks at statues anymore anyway. Have you ever seen anyone look at a statue of someone that wasn’t Abraham Lincoln? No, it wasn’t the statues. It was the social justice everywhere, all over TV. You couldn’t escape it. Va-nessa Hudgens’s and Zendaya’s speeches at the Teen Choice Awards? Come on! The point is: you’re not even who they’re after. It’s your kids. Is Mount Rushmore considered a statue?”

H) “Everything you see from MTV and the death culture and the gangbanger culture and the cop-killer, George Soros culture and the Hollywood anti-family, anti-Christ system is a function of the mode and the psychology and the world view . . .
the whole plan, you could say, is divinely inspired. But not with a big D. With a little d, for ‘diablo.’ ”

I) “Super Bowl LI? L.I.? Lie? Lie? Hello?”

Answers

Real: A, C, D, H

Fake: B, E, F, G, I

And Bum Steer number 4 is . . .