The State of Texas: Jan. 7, 2014

Interactive Tuesday

Ever wanted a breakdown of how fat Texas children are? Then you’re in luck! The anti-obesity campaign Reshape Texas has an interactive map that shows exactly which school districts’ students suffer from a higher Body Mass Index (BMI) and which ones are doing alright. At “good” ISDs, only twenty to thirty percent of the children have high-risk BMIs (way to go, Comstock!). It’s all morbidly obese fascinating and only a tiny bit depressing—Texas is thirty-second in the country for childhood obesity.

Gif of the Day

They’re calling this masterpiece, Johnny Football Lost in Thought:

Daily Roundup

Short Circuit — A three-judge panel heard arguments yesterday concerning Texas’s new abortion restrictions, and things do not look good for the law’s opponents. USA Today‘s coverage is fairly straightforward, noting that the judges asked, among other things, about the provision requiring abortion doctors to have admitting privileges to a hospital within thirty miles, which they called a “magic” figure. The Dallas Morning News and the Houston Chronicle, however, were much more to-the-point about the proceedings. “[The judges] wrote in a preliminary ruling that they believe the state will prevail in the case,” according to the DMN. And the Chron said in its opening line that the panel “expressed skepticism Monday over arguments that a new Texas abortion law creates an ‘undue burden’ on women attempting to obtain the procedure.” (The judges be, like, at 75 mph on a flat Texas highway, one hundred miles ain’t that far to drive for an abortion). When the three-judge panel finally rules against the law’s opponents, the case will be heard by the full circuit court, and then it’s off to Washington, D.C.

Grime-Time — Things are not getting better for Deion “Primetime” Sanders’s Dallas school, Prime Prep Academy. An entire, twelve-man team of employees were fired or resigned yesterday, with the possibility that more will be benched in the near future. Some of those fired were let go for the simple reason that they were “not qualified to teach our students,” say nothing of the ongoing investigation by the Texas Education Agency. And while Sanders—who was fired, then rehired, then fired—has not yet returned, “that could happen soon.” If the school were a professional sports team, it would’ve been sold for scrap to a Canadian rugby team by now.

El Chiquillo Paso — El Paso was recently named the third-best place (in all of America!) to raise children, according to a report from the always-reliable real estate racket. It was a shocker, especially considering the city beat out Austin (number eight) and San Antonio (number ten), with Houston nowhere is sight. Less shocking, the “list prompted a slew of disgruntled comments online,” according to the Houston Chronicle. “‘Are you with the board of ‘places no-one wants to live?’ wrote one reader in response to the survey.” To be fair, the rankings are pretty suspect. Omaha, Nebraska, was named the number one place to both raise your child and bore it to death.

Unnavigable — During a public hearing, critics (predominately Democrats) blasted proposed regulations that would basically require health insurance advisers to seek their own financial advisers. The new requirements would mean an additional forty hours of training in addition to the federally required twenty to thirty hours for those who assist Texans in signing up for Obamacare. Other proposed rules would require the health insurance advisers to “get liability insurance and pay fees for fingerprints, tests and classes,” the price tag of which is about as much as it currently costs for a doctor’s visit and a few tests, i.e. more than $800. So Governor Perry’s protesting meddlesome and expensive government involvement in people’s lives by proposing meddlesome and expensive government involvement, while oversight-loving Democrats are calling for less restrictions? Texas needs navigators for its politics.

One Man’s Treasure … — … is another man’s giddy estate sale. At least, that’s what it appeared to be at the first of four auctions to sell Michael Brown’s stuff. “It was fantastic,” was how the owner of the auction house described the sale that attracted about 500 people. “We used the front parking lot, the back parking lot and had to rent the parking lot across the street.” So … success! The deceased and disgraced doctor had a penchant for the gaudy and that was reflected in the items for sale: marble statues, bronze animals and more going for thousands of dollars. With three more Michael Brown Sunday auctions, maybe they’ll have to rent some parking spots down the street.