Video of the Day

Like Spongebob SquarePants and the Dallas Mavericks? Well, you’re in luck, kids! An official video re-imagines the cartoon’s intro with Mark Cuban as the captain and cartoon players. It is, as the Dallas Morning News remarks, “surprisingly awesome.”

Texas By The Numbers

Teacher Trouble — Number of Texas teachers certified to teach math and science in 2011: 3,450. That figure in 2012: 2,643. Number of new math and science certified teachers since 2000: 487. Percentage drop of teacher certification from 2011 to 2012: 24 percent. Percentage of Texas high school graduates under prepared for college math and science: 22.8 percent.

Financial AidReported amount Johnny Manziel’s Heisman Trophy win brought in for A&M: $20,000. Increase in fundraising from last year: 44 percent. Amount previous Heisman winner Robert Griffin III brought in: $250,000,000. Increase in Baylor’s fundraising: 10 percent. Amount student athletes are allowed to make from their own hard work: $0.

Daily Roundup

The Morning After — Well done, Texas. You’ve made democracy yet again! Despite the hysteria over the new voter ID law, early voting  was nearly double of last election’s figure. Not hard when that total is a whopping 3.7 percent of eligible voters. Those Texans with three forms of identification, DNA proof of existence, and a body cavity search all-clear approved every single proposed amendment. With the new nine, the constitution now has, roughly, a gajillion such articles in its Constitution. There was a deluge of “yes” votes for the the most talked-about measure, the proposition that would take $2 billion rainy day fund to fund water projects, which garnered about 75 percent.

AstroDone — It looks like Houston’s crown jewel will suffer a fate worse than Miley Cyrus—an actual wrecking ball. Yes, “the Astrodome is Astrodoomed,” as Time magazine commented. Like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Astrodome will soon become nothing than rubble, history, and expensive eBay items after the $217 million bond referendum was voted down by 53 percent. The iconic structure clearly means a lot to numerous people, as indicated by the reports of its demise, which appeared not just the local rags, but in ESPN, BusinessWeek, the limey Daily Mail, and the conservative National Review. At least voters were consistent with their stadium-hating; the proposed bond for a $69 million high school stadium was rejected by Katy residents last night too, proving that, hey, you lose some, you win some.

All Hail The AD — The greatest thing about Arizona State’s Steve Patterson agreeing to become the Longhorns’s newest athletic director is reading all the articles, not a week old, about how there was no way Steve Patterson would agree to become the Longhorns’s newest athletic director. And yet it is so. Patterson beat out West Virginia’s Oliver Luck, who should change his name, and Arkansas AD Jeff Long, who was handsomely rewarded for his loyalty. Patterson will be making $1.4 million over five years, though it’s not all champagne and bling—as the Dallas Morning News notes, Patterson faces a number of challenges in his new role, including a possible civil rights lawsuit and some guy named Mack Brown.

What A Fumble — After squeezing every penny it could from its quarterback, A&M’s under fire for being, all, “well, he’s really just Johnny Pee-Wee Football.” A recent Bloomberg article quoted “multiple university officials [that] appeared to minimize Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Johnny Manziel’s worth,” according to the Dallas Morning News. The school claimed Manziel brought in only $20,000 directly. A big difference from a year ago when “A&M touted a study that claimed the latter portion of the 11-2 debut season in the SEC and Manziel’s Heisman resulted in $37 million in media exposure for A&M.” Now the university is trying to learn a thing or two from its star workhorse, namely fancy footwork and backpedalling.

Clickity-Click These Extra Bits

George W. Kinkade Planning New Watercolor Series of World Leaders

If Nick Saban Were to Have an Affair, It’d Only Be With Texas

Like Giving an Amputee a Band-Aid

Play That One Song About Trying to Smuggling 600 Pounds of Coke

Abbott Is Even Against Gay Divorce

Did we miss something? Got a hot news tip? Send it our way: [email protected]. Or tweet Texas Monthly and Jeff Winkler