Humor Archives

July 19, 2023

What Does “Hodwy” Mean to Buc-ee’s?

Is the misspelling on the billboard promoting the Temple store a typo, a stunt intended to go viral, or a secret third thing?

By

What gifts might various Texas billionaires bestow Clarence Thomas for favor

Politics & Policy|

July 17, 2023

The Texas Billionaire’s Guide to Befriending Clarence Thomas

Harlan Crow and Jerry Jones have bought access to the Supreme Court justice through carefully curated gifts. What do Michael Dell, Tilman Fertitta, Elon Musk, and others have to offer?

By

Dade-Phelan-Dan-Patrick-California-nickame-Texas-property-tax-bills

Politics & Policy|

April 25, 2023

Dan Patrick Tries Out a Trumpy Nickname for Texas Speaker Dade Phelan

Amid a debate over competing property tax–relief plans, the lieutenant governor isn’t holding back. But is “California Dade” a good insult?

By and

All the Ways Ben the Bear Is Plotting to Escape the Brownsville Zoo

Critters|

April 3, 2023

All the Ways Ben the Bear Is Plotting to Bust Out of the Brownsville Zoo

A serial escape artist, he’s coming to Texas after the Saint Louis Zoo couldn’t handle his wily ways.

By

san antonio heartbreak city valentine's day

Being Texan|

February 14, 2023

San Antonio Seems to Be Going Through It This Valentine’s Day

. . . Y’all okay?

By

How Well Texas Cities Would Survive a Zombie Apocalypse, Ranked

Film & TV|

January 20, 2023

How Well Texas Cities Would Survive a Zombie Apocalypse, Ranked

The HBO series ‘The Last of Us’ spent its first act showing us how Austin would handle people-eating monsters. Houston, on the other hand . . .

By

12 Unexpected Items to Add to Your Winter Emergency Kit

Being Texan|

December 20, 2022

15 Items to Add to Your Winter Emergency Kit

May we suggest tickets to Cancun?

By and

Bum Steers|

December 12, 2022

2023 Bum Steer of the Year Runner-up: Gilberto Hinojosa

Texas Monthly recently acquired the (fake!) résumé of one Gilberto Hinojosa, the seemingly indefatigable chair of the long-suffering Texas Democratic party. We print it here in full.

By Texas Monthly

Bum Steers|

December 12, 2022

2023 Bum Steer of the Year Runner-up: Louie Gohmert

An open letter to Louie Gohmert, the Bum Steer Hall of Fame’s newest inductee!

By Texas Monthly

Bum Steers|

December 12, 2022

2023 Bum Steer of the Year Runner-up: Herschel Walker

(Fake!) excerpts from the campaign diary of a displaced Texan, summer–fall 2022.

By Texas Monthly

Is It Time for Texas Democrats to Turn to the Celebrities?

Politics & Policy|

November 11, 2022

Texas Democrats: It’s Time for a Celebrity Candidate!

It’s worked for the GOP elsewhere, and nothing else has worked for Democrats here.

By

Being Texan|

October 8, 2022

This 1981 Photo Essay Captured Why Being an Aggie Is Not at All Funny

Will Van Overbeek's images, with words by Oscar-winning screenwriter and Texas A&M alum and proud Aggie Al Reinert, were "good bull."

By

What Your Favorite Mexican Ice Cream Says About You

Tacos|

October 8, 2022

What Your Favorite Mexican Ice Cream Says About You

From mamey to nuez, the varied flavors found at Mexican ice cream shops around the state make for a pretty accurate personality test.

By and

Tacos|

October 6, 2022

The Great Hard-shell Taco Debate

Two Texas Monthly writers go head-to-head on the merits and inferiorities of tacos made with crispy shells vs. soft tortillas.

By and

Travel & Outdoors|

February 1, 2022

What Lies Beneath the San Antonio River? A Whole Lot of Weird Stuff

Cleaning crews dredged up creepy dolls, armored catfish, rental scooters, and a staggering quantity of chairs.

By

Houston Texans head coach David Culley on the sideline against the Cleveland Browns.

Sports|

January 14, 2022

Very Well, I Shall Coach the Houston Texans

The most dysfunctional franchise in pro sports has a vacancy, and I have some time to kill.

By

Being Texan|

December 16, 2021

‘The Twelve Days of Christmas,’ Texas Edition

Twelve tamales steaming, eleven Longhorns losing . . . and thirty to fifty feral hogs.

By

Politics & Policy|

December 14, 2021

The 2022 Bum Steer Awards

A year ago, in this very space, we referred to 2020 as “perhaps the craziest, stupidest, Bum Steeriest year in Texas Monthly’s history.” The unspoken assumption—or perhaps it was a desperate wish—was that 2021 would prove to be at least marginally saner than that misbegotten election year. And how

By Texas Monthly

bum steers of the year january 6 rioters

Politics & Policy|

December 14, 2021

Bum Steer Awards 2022: 25 Texans Who Invaded Washington, D.C.

An A-to-Z list of 25 Lone Star State residents who disgraced themselves last January 6.

By Texas Monthly

Politics & Policy|

December 14, 2021

2022 Bum Steer of the Year Runner-up: Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz had a very, very, very bad year. Maybe he’ll blame it on his daughters.

By Texas Monthly

News & Politics|

December 2, 2021

What Mark Cuban Should Do With the Texas Town He Just Bought

We have several suggestions for the new owner of the tiny burg of Mustang.

By

Matthew McConaughey speaks onstage during HISTORYTalks Leadership & Legacy presented by HISTORY at Carnegie Hall on February 29, 2020 in New York City.

Politics & Policy|

November 30, 2021

Matthew McConaughey Isn’t Running for Governor. But We Still Have Questions About His Interest in Politics.

Sunday night the actor announced he won’t challenge Greg Abbott. So what will he do?

By

Being Texan|

October 14, 2021

Rejoice in the Rockin’ Bods of the Nude Texas Cavers Calendar

What better way to mark the passage of time than with some tasteful spelunking nudity?

By Madeleine Aggeler

Arts & Entertainment|

August 2, 2021

No Tweets for Old Men: Yet Another Cormac McCarthy Twitter Hoax Is Upon Us

The famously reclusive author and former El Pasoan is still not on social media, despite what the latest viral thread suggests.

By

Style & Design|

July 28, 2021

All of H-E-B’s New Scented Candles, From Butter Tortilla to Two-Bite Brownies, Ranked

We’re all very impressed with H-E-B’s ability to go viral with a new product line, but how do these things actually smell?

By

Boban Marjanović, #51 of the Dallas Mavericks, warms up before a game on February 25, 2021 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Sports|

April 8, 2021

Look at How Many Fishy Crackers Boban Can Hold in His Hand

The cracker company’s new promotion determined that the 7’4” NBA player can hold 301 Goldfish in one handful.

By

Texas minor league baseball: Amarillo Sod Poodles vs. Midland Rockhounds.

Sports|

April 6, 2021

Texas’s Best (and Weirdest) Minor League Baseball Team Names, Ranked

We salute the Sugar Land Lightning Sloths, the Amarillo Sod Poodles, and their compatriots.

By

News & Politics|

March 29, 2021

This Is How Big the Ship That Got Stuck in the Suez Is, in Texas Terms

It’s hard to grasp just how massive the Ever Given is. Fortunately, scale is something our state does well.

By

Meanwhile, in Texas|

March 17, 2021

A Pair of Thieves Broke Into a Houston Art Museum, Then Escaped by Boat

They didn’t manage to steal any art, but they did vanish into a storm drain.

By

Books|

March 2, 2021

Meet the Comedian Whose New Poetry Book Is as Discomfiting as Her Cabaret Act

Houston-raised actor and stand-up star Catherine Cohen confronts anxiety and narcissism in a self-deprecating collection of poems.

By

Art|

February 11, 2021

Virtual Valentines for Texans (We Willie Love You)

Roses are red. Bluebonnets are blue. We made these virtual valentines just for you.

By

Meanwhile, in Texas|

February 9, 2021

“I’m Not a Cat,” Says West Texas Attorney Who Accidentally Applied Zoom Filter

“If the country can have a chuckle at my expense today, I’ll accept it," he says.

By

Health|

February 1, 2021

Newly Vaccinated Boomers Are Ready to Get Down

While much of the under-65 population awaits their COVID-19 vaccines, the generation that invented sex, drugs, and rock and roll is about to run amok.

By Ruth Pennebaker