The Texanist
April 16, 2015
The Texanist: Do I Need to Update My Jeans Style?
Our estimable advice columnist on hat etiquette, delusions of ranchhood, reconnecting with your Texas roots, and staying loyal to your Wranglers.
Humor
Arts & Entertainment
April 13, 2015
The Outlaws
When Willie met Scarface.
The Culture
March 23, 2015
Don’t Move to Texas
It rhymes with “sexist” and “Lexus.”
Film & TV
February 19, 2015
Watch “The Odd Couple”/”True Detective” Mashup You Never Knew You Needed
Oscar and Felix, meet Rust and Marty.
The Culture
February 12, 2015
Old News: An Illustrated Look at Curious Headlines From a Bygone Era
Crossing the Rio Grande in one’s undergarments.
The Texanist
February 10, 2015
The Texanist: Have Texans Forgotten How to Drive?
Our estimable advice columnist on Texas brag, the limits of speed limits, the intoxicating appeal of his alma mater, and just who, exactly, was going to Luckenbach, Texas, with Waylon and Willie.
Business
January 29, 2015
Hotel Concierge Obliges a Guest’s Request for Lots of Nicolas Cage
Now that’s service.
The Daily Post
January 20, 2015
An 81-Year-Old Slaton Man Cashed in 500 Pounds Worth of Pennies
Save every penny you find over the course of the next sixty some years, and you too could have enough for a nice iPad or something.
The Culture
January 9, 2015
Cadillac Dreams
When an oil well on Joe Bowers’s Panhandle property came in, he knew just what he wanted to buy.
Texas History
January 9, 2015
Old News
An Illustrated Look at Curious Headlines From a Bygone Era.
Bum Steers
January 9, 2015
Justice Was Overserved
After DWI charges against Justice Nora Longoria, of the Thirteenth Court of Appeals, were dismissed, outraged Hidalgo County Republicans pointed out that Longoria and the district attorney and district court judge who decided to let her off are all Democrats—and a police dash-cam video that showed her bombing her field sobriety test went viral.
News & Politics
December 15, 2014
Steer Campaign
The pleasure of picking a Bum Steer.
Art
December 11, 2014
There Is Going To Be A Bill Hicks Statue In Houston
The legendary Texas comedian may have died in obscurity 20 years ago, but he’ll be remembered in bronze.
Energy
December 9, 2014
Oil Field Worker in Odessa Looking For Homeless Lady For Indentured Servitude and “Bedroom Fun” on Craigslist
No idea what could possibly go wrong here.
The Daily Post
November 25, 2014
The Conspiracy Theory That Alex Jones Is Actually Legendary, Long-Dead Texas Comedian Bill Hicks
Hicks, who died twenty years ago, is not Alex Jones. Or is that just what the sheeple want you to think?
The Culture
November 12, 2014
If Funding Falls Through, Plan B Is to Tell Her to Shut Up
An El Paso spokesperson said the city will spend nearly $7,000 to reconfigure its city council chambers so that Ann Morgan Lilly will no longer have to sit next to fellow council member Lily Limón, who, Lilly claims, distracts her by making frequent sotto voce comments throughout council meetings.
Critters
October 24, 2014
Furry Friday: Dog Costume Contest
Austin Dog Rescue is honest about how voting works. The dog that gets the most money wins.
Music
August 21, 2014
Willie Nelson Is Showing Off Card Tricks on His YouTube Channel Now
Texas’ favorite octogenarian is taking his grandpa game to the next level.
Politics & Policy
August 20, 2014
The Internet Had A Lot Of Fun With Rick Perry’s Mugshot Last Night
The "handsome mugshot guy" has some competition.
The Culture
August 13, 2014
Old News: An Illustrated Look at Curious Headlines From a Bygone Era
“Mr. Connelly, a farmer, living near Dallas, was bitten on the hand by a rattlesnake. . . . He went home and drank a quart of whiskey; split the back of a live chicken and applied it to the wound. The treatment was successful.”—Brenham Weekly Banner, August 9, 1878
The Culture
August 13, 2014
That’ll Fix Him
Wilfredo Gutierrez, of Houston, pleaded guilty to fraudulently passing himself off as a veterinarian. His dozens of clients apparently appreciated his willingness to make house calls and his cut-rate fees for spaying and neutering.
Style & Design
June 25, 2014
Wish President George H.W. Bush a Happy 90th Birthday By Designing Him Some Fancy New Socks
Sock it to him!
The Daily Post
June 18, 2014
Rick Perry Apparently Wants to Retire in California
Oops?
The Culture
June 10, 2014
When It Comes to Conservation, They Go For Broke
The City of Austin Water Utility revealed that it is considering imposing a “drought fee” to help it make up for millions of dollars in lost revenue. The shortfall was caused, apparently, by customers’ heeding the utility’s demands to conserve water.
The Culture
May 19, 2014
Also, Everyone Reading This Item Is Ordered to Forget It Forthwith
After League City attorney Calvin C. Jackson and the State Bar settled allegations that he had forged lawyers’ signatures in a civil case, Jackson decided that he wanted all references to the case removed from the Internet. To the surprise of many legal observers and pretty much anyone who has ever used a computer, San
Texas History
May 13, 2014
Old News: An Illustrated Look at Curious Headlines From a Bygone Era
“There are so many mad dogs in Denton county that people won’t send their children to school, and people riding about o’nights ride like Arabs on dromedaries, crossing their nice little legs in front of them.” —Weekly Democratic Statesman (Austin), June 3, 1875
The Texanist
May 9, 2014
The Texanist: Can a Non-Native Texan Teach Texas History?
Our estimable advice columnist on seventh-grade Texas history teachers, the ban on the can ban, sought-after stick sausages, and more.
Sports
April 14, 2014
Did the El Paso Chihuahuas Pull Off the Best Clubhouse Prank in Recent Memory?
Jeff Francoeur hit the first home run in El Paso Chihuahuas history earlier this month—but if it's up to his teammates, he'll go into the history books as "idiot."
The Texanist
April 8, 2014
The Texanist: Does Anyone Actually Have a “Roll in the Hay”?
Our estimable advice columnist on euphemisms involving the word "hay," A&M's unaptly named yearbook, and meat preparation preferences.
Business
March 24, 2014
This Dallas Pizzeria Charges $1,000 For A Side Of Ranch
The curious Texas tradition of dipping pizza crusts in ranch dressing will cost you.
The Texanist
March 19, 2014
The Texanist: Has Society Become Too Protective and Overly Litigious?
Our estimable advice columnist on equestrian liability, Texan genealogy, and Furr’s Fresh Buffet vs. Luby’s Cafeteria.
The Culture
March 7, 2014
After His Defeat, He Probably Said the Same Thing About Being District Attorney of Harris County.
Bum Steer of the Month
The Daily Post
February 20, 2014
Alas, This Adorable Dog Will Not Be The Next Mayor Of Irving
The taciturn candidate has been ruled ineligble due to paperwork errors.
The Texanist
February 11, 2014
The Texanist: How Do I Break It to My Children That They Ate the Livestock “Pets”?
Our estimable advice columnist on how to talk to kids about edible pets, whether Plano is pretentious, what constitutes a “major” city, and more.
Texas History
February 5, 2014
A Brief History of Peeing on the Alamo
An El Paso man pled guilty to the most heinous offense against Texas history imaginable: Peeing on the Alamo. Does this make him the next Ozzy Osbourne?
Critters
January 30, 2014
A(nother) Guy Who Claims to Have Shot Bigfoot Plans to Take the Corpse on Tour
This is how you know it's a slow news week.
The Texanist
January 22, 2014
The Texanist: Can You Recommend a Cure for Cedar Fever?
Our estimable advice columnist on the best way to endure the cedar allergy season, the safety of mutton busting, how to impress your valentine this month, and more.
Art
October 30, 2013
Sulphur Springs’s Glass-Walled Public Toilet Vies to Succeed Buc-ees as “America’s Best Restroom”
What's so special about the Northeast Texas town's facility? It's a room with a view.
The Texanist
October 14, 2013
The Texanist: How Do a Husband and Wife Resolve Backyard Barbecuing Duties?
How do a husband and wife resolve backyard barbecuing duties? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: My wife has recently taken a keen interest in my backyard barbecuing duties. In fact, last weekend she asked me if I wanted her to start cooking the beans from now
The Daily Post
September 25, 2013
Things You Should Know Before You Consider Dating Viral Web Sensation Romeo Rose
"Sleepless In Austin" Romeo Rose blew up the Internet with his personal ad. Before you respond, here are things you might want to consider.
The Culture
September 17, 2013
The Big Sleep
How I ended up spending my panel appearance at the Texas Book Festival lying on a bench and drooling on the floor.
The Daily Post
September 16, 2013
Here Is A Whole Bunch Of Unsanctioned “Don’t Mess With Texas” Merchandise
TXDOT, which holds the trademark to the circa-1985 antilittering slogan, has issued over 100 cease-and-desist letters to companies using the slogan since 2000. Somehow, all of these slipped through the cracks.
Critters
June 10, 2013
The Kemp’s Ridley Sea Turtle
It’s hard out there for a turtle. Especially one that’s endangered, y’all.
Critters
May 16, 2013
The Greater Roadrunner
Eats scorpions. Mates for life. Doesn't really say, "Beep, beep!"
Sports
January 21, 2013
Texas, Measured in Altuves
Houston Astros second baseman Jose Altuve, who is 5'5", has been turned into a unit of measurement by a baseball writer, who created a website that will convert distances into "Altuves."
Bum Steers
January 21, 2013
The 2012 Bum Steer Awards on Steroids
Sometimes you just have to see it (and hear it) to believe it.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Are Gulf Oysters Really an Aphrodisiac?
Oyster aphrodisiacs, hat manners, drill team attire, and why a man needs a weekender.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: How Do I Confront a Neighbor Who Let’s His Dog Mess in My Yard?
Wayward dog droppings, “barbecue” versus “grill,” flag displays, and the best way to get a husband to slim down.
Feature
January 20, 2013
Ron White Gets the Last Laugh
Thanks to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, he’s richer than all get-out, and you’re not.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
Pink camouflage, Floridian “friends,” a bedtime dilemma, and whether or not it’s acceptable to mock Chileans for their flag’s similarity to ours.
The Texanist dishes up a heaping helping of fine advice.