April 2015
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Features
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Relax. Reset. Renew.
Feeling jittery? Stressed out? Let these wellness retreats remind you of the true meaning of R&R.
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Pistol Pushers
How a few gun rights activists hijacked the political debate over open carry.
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User’s Guide to Tacos
Texans LOVE their tacos. Versatile, portable, and quick to wolf down, tacos are made with either corn or flour tortillas. In their different styles, you can trace more than half a century of Texas’s Mexican-food history.
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How to Grill the Perfect Ribeye
The art of cooking it just right.
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The Glory of the Grapefruit
All hail these golden spheres of goodness.
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What the Texanist Drinks
True Texans stock up with more than Topo Chico and Big Red.
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The Ultimate Texan
Born and bred in Houston, the 33-year-old tour de force is the world’s greatest performer—and arguably its most famous Texan.
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The Ultimate Game
An ode to the national sport of Texas.
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Texas History in 601 Words
The story of Texas can be reduced to one sentence: somebody has something somebody else wants and will put up a fight to get. In the beginning, these fights were over land. The Spanish explorers came here in the 1500’s; ignoring native peoples, they claimed a vast region that included what is now Mexico and …
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How to Survive the Summer
When I was a teenager growing up in Wichita Falls, which is regularly hailed as one of the hottest cities in the state (and sometimes the country), I spent my summers smelling like roadkill. The moment I stepped outside my house, sweat began sliding like syrup down my back. According to the old-timers, there were …
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Drive a Pickup Truck (or Don’t)
I promise driving a truck won’t help you create any ties to your new state’s rural roots, but spending one day on a city street, sharing it with trucks like mine, may help you understand that practicality doesn’t have much to do with being a Texan at all.
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How to Drive 85 Miles per Hour
The fastest road in America does not cross the Mojave Desert or the big sky country of Montana. Instead, it cuts through an unexceptional stretch of farmland southeast of Austin, where the posted speed limit on Texas Highway 130 jumps to 85 miles per hour. The so-called Texas Autobahn begins just after the town of …
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The Prettiest Li’l Drive You’ll Ever See
Head west on FM 170 through an astounding wilderness of shallow canyons, ancient riverbeds, and craggy limestone hills.
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Celebrate the Spurs (in Haiku)
Having grown up on the South Side of San Antonio, I know that the Spurs aren’t just a team, they’re a way of life. To show my support, I did what any fan would do: make like Bashō and pen five haikus, one for every NBA title.
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Don’t Move to Texas
It rhymes with “sexist” and “Lexus.”
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Where to Become an Art Patron
A guide to three great Texas museums.
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The Media Guide
To gain pop culture literacy, you could spend a long weekend taking in works produced for the big screen (Giant, Dazed and Confused) and the small box (Lonesome Dove, Friday Night Lights). But the quicker route would be an afternoon surfing YouTube. Search for the terms below, but don’t blame us if you end up falling down a Van Cliburn rabbit hole.
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Where to Be a Tourist
A word about these four destinations: most native Texans visited them on their elementary school field trips. They are essential, so if you haven’t seen them yet, you’d better get cracking. Just remember, this is only the start.
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The Playlist
Oh, the endless arguments about Texas music. But don’t feel the need to master it—no one really can. Instead, here are ten songs to help you hold your own at almost any party.
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Cover to Cover
If you’re new to the state, there’s a good chance that you snickeringly regard the phrase “Texas literature” as a contradiction in terms. Well, wise up, wise guy: Texans have been writing memorable books about their state for a long time. So if you have some questions about the city you’ve settled in, you’ve got a lot of options.
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They Weren’t Born Here
But they did get to Texas as fast as they could (which is to say, within the past five years). Meet eighteen recent transplants to the state’s three fastest-growing cities.
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How to Talk Like a Texan
You can spend your whole life trying, but this will do in a pinch.
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Where to Go First
Few things make Texans happier than a full tank of gas and an open highway. You’ve got a lot of ground to cover, but I propose you start with these four trips, each originating at Brady, the geographic center of Texas. You’ll be saying “y’all” and offering the hi sign in no time.
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Welcome to Texas!
Every day more than a thousand people move to the Lone Star State. Lucky enough to be a new arrival? This crash course will get you thinking, eating, and talking like a native in no time. (Lucky enough to already a native? You’ll be reminded of all the reasons to gloat.)
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Cops and Robbers
They were some of the toughest narcs on the border, known for busting smugglers, staging raids, seizing cartel cocaine—and being dirty.
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Columns
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The Texanist
Our estimable advice columnist on pathological liars, missing knives, the difference between a Texan and a New Yorker turned Floridian turned Montanan, and why tequila is not—hic!—a vegetable.
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Lucrative When Wet
In an era of drought, tight finances, and a shrinking water park market, how does Schlitterbahn keep getting bigger?
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The Apache Amulet
A keepsake taken from a fallen warrior’s body 135 years ago hasn’t lost its power.
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The Good Son
Returning to El Paso and finding that you can’t go home again. Or maybe you can.
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Don’t Call Them “Baby”
Roll over, Jake Owen, and tell Brett Eldredge the news: Maddie & Tae are fed up with Nashville’s “bro country” formula.
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What I’ve Learned
Paul Burka bids farewell to Texas Monthly—and wonders what happened to the Texas he once knew.
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Reporter
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A Tale of Two Sites
In Houston, a pair of activists discover that the same environmental battles get fought over and over.
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iRoberson
iZombie rises from the dead.
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They’re Sorry, They Did as Bastard They Could
A headline in the February 19 edition of the Waller County Times Tribune announced, “Hitch up your bitches and jingle those spurs, its trail ride season.”
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Old News: An Illustrated Look at Curious Headlines From a Bygone Era
“Pistol carrying is now so prevalent here as to be a first-class nuisance. The young men, white and black, hardly consider themselves in party attire unless they have on a pistol.”—Brenham Weekly Banner, May 27, 1886
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Chico and the Postman
Mail-order tacos.
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The Checklist
What to hear, read, and watch this month to achieve maximum Texas cultural literacy.
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The Fixer
James Baker says politics has changed since his White House days. For the worse.
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Meanwhile, in Texas . . .
Some crazy stuff went down last month. Here are a handful of headlines you may have missed.
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Touts
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Crawfish
Out of the mud and into Houston’s melting pot.
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Out on a Limb
Tree houses—they’re not just for kids anymore.
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Their Beautiful Launderette
What happens when veterans of two of Austin’s finest Mexican and Thai restaurants try their hand at Mediterranean cuisine? Very delicious things.
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Stalks of Rye
From Proof + Pantry, Dallas.
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Hey Murphy
A novice Austin jewelry maker catches Anthropologie’s eye.
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Miscellany
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Roar of the Crowd
Readers respond to the March 2015 Issue.
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Goodbye to a Writer
The unrivaled legacy of Paul Burka.
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