A year of avaricious Aggies, banned boogers, chagrined cheerleaders, dotty dwellings, expletive-deleted Enron, famous fugitives, Germanic goofs, horny highways, icky insects, judicial jests, kooky kidnappers, look-alike logos, misguided Mavericks, news-making nuts, ousted Osamas, problematic pachyderms, quirky quarterbacks, rampaging rats, scary skunks, tetrahydrocannibinol-filled tacos, unhealthy urbanites, volleyball vamps, wayward W's, x-rated
From cornball classics to rousing rib-ticklers, these two hundred Texas jokes are definitely on us.
Director Wes Anderson's new movie, The Royal Tenenbaums, deals with death, despair, and other dark subjects. Andwhat do you knowit's hysterically funny.
We knew he could sing, of course. What we didn't know was that he had such a great sense of humor. Here are some of Willie Nelson's favorite jokes from his just-published memoir, The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes.
Am I a real person? (Yes.) Who died and made me king? (My father, the emperor.) Have I seen your piggy bank? (Yes, a little while ago. He was running away from home.) Any other questions?
Once upon a time I thought I wanted to be a bullfighter (and not the kind that wears sequined tights). A legendary cowboy named Leon Coffee and an animal named Pretty Boy changed my mind.
Things can get a little fruity in the Rio Grande Valley, especially during the Texas Citrus Fiesta.
NO PAIN, NO GAIN You’ve had that one more bite of mashed potatoes, that one more piece of turkey, and that one extra sliver of pie. But, hey, you’re not counting, right? Luckily, on January 1 you can make a fresh start—and, no, that doesn’t have to mean a grapefruit
Recipe from Il Solé, DallasBlood Orange Granita3 1/2 cups blood orange juice (approximately 12 oranges) 1/2 to 3/4 cup granulated sugarCombine the juice and sugar in a bowl and stir with a wooden spoon until sugar is dissolved (about 5 minutes). Pour into an approximately 9- by 13-inch glass dish
THE MORNING AFTER Certainly you wouldn’t overindulge on New Year’s Eve. But you might well be called on to help your less-virtuous friends who may wake up on January 1 with a hangover. We asked the staff members of Texas Monthly to submit their best hangover remedy. Here are their
Salmon Tikkas1 pound salmon filets, boned and skinned 2 tablespoons lemon juice, plus a bit more for tossing the greens 2 teaspoons salt 1/3 cup mustard-seed oil (available at most Indian grocery stores; not mustard-flavored oil) 1 tablespoon fresh ginger, crushed 1 tablespoon dried ground red chile (not chili powder)
A few of Willie Nelson's pals shed light on the Red Headed Stranger's humorous side.
Writer Thomas Mallon talks about his new book and his fascination with presidential assassinations.
Texas Monthly art director Scott Dadich talks about this month's cover image.
University of Texas graduate and Pulitzer prizewinning photographer John McConnico talks about Pakistan and the perfect shot.
What's so funny about an oilman, a rancher, a golfer, and a carnival hobo? Watch the following top ten funniest Texas movies to find out why these main characters (and others) are so hilarious.
Texas Monthly writer-at-large Kinky Friedman dresses up the January 2002 cover.
Senior executive editor Paul Burka talks about this year's Bum Steer issue, his favorite Bum Steer, and his pick for Bum Steer of the Year.
Can't decide which route between Houston and Austin is best? We've got the skinny on U.S. 290 versus Texas Highway 71.
WHEN YOUR LITTLE ONE decides he wants to help you in the kitchen, there’s no need to panic. Corpus Christi—based writer Sandré Moore has put together a cookbook for the whole family. The Fairy Tale Cookbook provides helpful hints along with recipes the kids are sure to love—who could resist
Passion Fruit Shrimp Salsa1 ripe passion fruit (mango or other tropical fruit may be substituted) 4 or 5 extra-large shrimp (about 4 ounces total), peeled, deveined, and diced 2 teaspoons olive oil 1/4 cup finely minced onion (a Maui onion if available) 1/2 cup peeled, seeded, and finely diced tomatoes
On the day that Roy’s opened its first Texas outpost, Austin’s muggy winter weather ended abruptly with the arrival of a bracing cold front, so the hula dancers brought in for the occasion, clad in nothing but grass skirts and coconut-shell bras, were shimmying like mad on the sidewalk. I
Why does Potter County have the state's highest mortality rate? Poverty is only one answer.
To change the way recording contracts are created, the Dixie Chicks are taking their act to the courtroom.
When I discovered that a Texas company makes the portable meals our soldiers carry into battle, I got my orders to eat up. I knew I would complete my missionor get indigestion trying.
How Neiman met Marcus and other facts you never learned in seventh grade.
JAZZ MESSENGER Wynton Marsalis, the forty-year-old jazz trumpet player and the artistic director of jazz at the Lincoln Center, will be in five Texas cities beginning January 31. The first Texas stop for the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra’s United in Swing 2001-2002 Tour will be at the Paramount Theatre in
BLUES REVIVAL The Starlight Barber Shop on Camp Street in Crockett was one of the first stamping grounds for bluesman Sam “Lightnin'” Hopkins, the unofficial poet laureate of Texas who eventually worked his way up from the street corner to Carnegie Hall before his death, in 1982. The all-purpose cafe,
TURNING POINT I like The Nutcracker, but I’m glad the holiday season is over. Don’t get me wrong; the Sugar Plum Fairy—an arduous role that demands an accomplished dancer—always impresses; I’m simply ready for new works, new talent, and new ideas by the start of the new year. Lucky for
PLAY TIME If you have any doubt that Houston’s theater community is living up to its vibrant reputation, make it your New Year’s resolution to take a seat in one of the city’s velvet-covered chairs and check out the following selections. Begin with two plays by August Wilson: Jitney, Wilson’s
Houston museum curator Anne Wilkes Tucker collects photographs and praise.
