Showdown at Waggoner Ranch
It’s the nation’s biggest spread within the confines of a single fence—more than eight hundred square miles extending across six counties. So it’s fitting that the family feud over its future is big too. And mythic.
January 2004 Issue
Features
Feature
The 2004 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of altitude-adjusting actors, bird-flipping benevolences, chili charlatans, dastardly deejays, embattled educators, flying freighty-cats, gubernatorial gallivantings, hip-hop hostilities, insatiable Isoptera, Judaically jolting jamborees, Kloroxed Kings, loblolly Leatherfaces, methodological manure-men, neuterings non grata, olé-less objets d'art, piscatorial policemen, queso quarrels, rear-end rectifyings, showboating second bananas, trio-trashing tractors, unamused
Feature
What Kind of Year Was 2003?
THE ACCOMMODATIONS WEREN’T BAD, BUT THE ALPO WAS SERVED COLD Curtis Lee Robin, of Vidor, after being convicted of abusing his eleven-year-old stepson by locking him out of the house at night, thus forcing him to sleep in a doghouse, agreed to a plea bargain under which he would sleep
Feature
eBush
Tin Bush-in-the-box with lithographed scenes of the White House that plays “Hail to the Chief” when the crank is turned, from signals.com ($29.95).Clinger shooter, a tall shot glass with a comical cast-resin figure of the prez attached, from americastore.com ($6.50). Bush Cards, a deck of poker-size
Feature
Robert Durst
GEAGALVESTON EMPLOYMENT AGENCYDear Robert Durst,Recently, following your acquittal on charges of murder by shooting your neighbor, hacking up his body, and dumping his torso into Galveston Bay in a plastic bag, you applied for work at our office. Below, please find a list of jobs from our files that seem
McKenzie Mullins Has Cow
Which means she's an expert at reading bovine body language, and that makes her, at the absurdly young age of thirteen—only four years after overcoming her fear of horses—one of the world's best practitioners of the art of cutting.
Blazing Brushstrokes
Growing up, I read scores of pulpy paperback westerns with good-guy-bad-guy actionand it was their amazing covers in gaudy, manly hues that roped me in.
Duke of Dunbar
That would be 75-year-old Robert Hughes, who has amassed more victories while coaching in Fort Worth than anyone in high school basketball history. For most people, that would be enough.
Feature
Jessica Simpson
TEXAS MONTHLY ASSESSMENT OF KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS/ Basic Overview Of Bum Steers NAME: Jessica Simpson Level 1 Reality Comprehension DIRECTIONS. Read the story. Then read each question and fill in the circle for the answer you choose. DITSY DOLLY Once upon a time there was a poor little Texas girl
Columns
Travel
Rio de Enero
When the San Antonio River’s downtown stretches are drained for a week each January, the crowds may ebb too. But it’s a perfect time to discover the waterway’s more natural side.
Don’t Look Yao
Led by the NBA’s most inadvertently colorful coach, this year's Houston Rockets are so much more than an excuse to see a certain ninety-inch-tall Chinese import.
Food and Drink
Stock Tips
After years of writing about chefs, I wanted to get a taste of what it’s like to be one—which is how I found myself browning veal knuckle bones at the fastest-growing cooking school in Texas.
Miscellany
Atsbox
STRAIGHT TALK
THE DEFENSE NEVER RESTS Harvard law professor and criminal-defense attorney Alan Dershowitz, whose list of clients has included Patty Hearst, Michael Milken, Jim Bakker, Mike Tyson, and O. J. Simpson, will be speaking in Austin on January 15.There seem to be a lot of high-profile cases going on all at
Atsbox
ON STAGE
PLAY DATE The last time I went to the theater? Well, that would have been for a production of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest—four years ago. I can hear the collective rolling over of dead playwrights in their graves upon an admission of such neglect. So, in the spirit
Atsbox
GOING BATTY
POW! Funny that during the winter, when Austin’s famous colony of Mexican free-tailed bats has migrated to Mexico, allusions to the chiropterans take wing. On January 8, the Alamo Drafthouse, in Austin, will screen the original 1966 Batman movie, starring Adam West and Burt Ward. The Alamo hopes to show
Atsbox
A GREAT WEEKEND IN FORT WORTH
WOW TOWN It isn’t often that you find world-famous museums down the street from a high school football stadium. But that’s Fort Worth—it has something for everyone. And from January 22 through 25, the offerings are especially fine, beginning Thursday night with a concert by progressive-country rocker Jerry Jeff Walker
Web
Recipe
Homemade Apple Butter
This recipe makes a tart, intensely flavored sauce that goes well with meats like pork chops.6 pounds Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and diced 2 1/2 cups red-wine vinegar 2 cups brown sugar, packed 1 tablespoon minced lemon zest 1 tablespoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon allspice 1/2 teaspoon cloves 1/2 teaspoon
Web Exclusive
Aggie Land
Senior editor Pamela Colloff talks about the typical A&M student, chivalry, and Aggie spirit.
Web Exclusive
Bum Gifts
Twenty titter-producing trinkets and toys, from a Leatherface action figure and a Houston Texans Christmas Village to a Texas Shriner doll and a snap-on longneck top for boring ol' cans.
On The Road
CAT’S MEOW “Where the heck is that?” everybody said when I announced I was headed to Carol’s at Cat Spring. Good question. Physically, the historic German community (population: 76) is some fifty miles west of Houston. Spiritually, it’s in a world of its own. Winds rustle the live oaks,
Rockets Man
Houston Rockets general manager Carroll Dawson on new head coach Jeff Van Gundy, Yao Ming, and the game.
Web Exclusive
The Funnies
Senior executive editor Paul Burka and senior editor Anne Dingus discuss this year’s Bum Steer Awards.
Texas Tidbits
Texas Tidbits
San Antonio is home to the Alamo, which draws more than 2.5 million visitors a year, but did you know that the city also boasts the state's first modern art museum?
Recipe
Open-Faced Ravioli and Balsamic Roasted Chicken With Black Olive-Tomato Butter
From Zoë-Italian, Fort Worth
Texas History 101
Texas History 101
The Alamo is a symbol of Texas’s independence, but it also was part of the largest concentration of Catholic missions in North America.
Happy Trails
Happy Trails
Comfort is surprisingly different from other Hill Country towns. In fact, it has a cosmopolitan feel. Maybe that’s why it has attracted so many urban refugees.
Books That Cook
Books That Cook
Quite often, those of us in urban areas get so caught up in the race for trendy foodstuffs and recreating fancy restaurant meals that we forget about the simple things that taste great. The Junior League of Amarillo reminds us that the food we crave may start with a can
Recipe
La Mexicana’s Rosca de Reyes
We have adopted this recipe from La Mexicana Bakery for the home baker.
Season’s Eating
A Moment Of Epiphany After you’re done with turtledoves, maids-a-milking, and the other ten days of Christmas, you can celebrate el Día de Reyes (Epiphany) on January 6. Commemorating the day the magi arrived bearing gifts for the infant Jesus, the Day of the Kings is observed in Latin
Reporter
Reporter
Eternal Flame
What do you do if your university's administrators extinguish your Bonfire? If you're Aggies, you take the show on the road.
Explore the Archive
Willie
October 2021
September 2021
August 2021
July 2021
June 2021
May 2021
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
December 2020
November 2020
October 2020
September 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
July 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000
November 2000
October 2000
September 2000
August 2000
July 2000
June 2000
May 2000
April 2000
March 2000
February 2000
January 2000
December 1999
November 1999
October 1999
September 1999
August 1999
July 1999
June 1999
May 1999
April 1999
March 1999
February 1999
January 1999
December 1998
November 1998
October 1998
September 1998
August 1998
July 1998
June 1998
May 1998
April 1998
March 1998
February 1998
January 1998
December 1997
November 1997
October 1997
September 1997
August 1997
July 1997
June 1997
May 1997
April 1997
March 1997
February 1997
January 1997
December 1996
November 1996
October 1996
September 1996
August 1996
July 1996
June 1996
May 1996
April 1996
March 1996
February 1996
January 1996
December 1995
November 1995
October 1995
September 1995
August 1995
July 1995
June 1995
May 1995
April 1995
March 1995
February 1995
January 1995
December 1994
November 1994
October 1994
September 1994
August 1994
July 1994
June 1994
May 1994
April 1994
March 1994
February 1994
January 1994
December 1993
November 1993
October 1993
September 1993
August 1993
July 1993
June 1993
May 1993
April 1993
March 1993
February 1993
January 1993
December 1992
November 1992
October 1992
September 1992
August 1992
July 1992
June 1992
May 1992
April 1992
March 1992
February 1992
January 1992
December 1991
November 1991
October 1991
September 1991
August 1991
July 1991
June 1991
May 1991
April 1991
March 1991
February 1991
January 1991
December 1990
November 1990
October 1990
September 1990
August 1990
July 1990
June 1990
May 1990
April 1990
March 1990
February 1990
January 1990
December 1989
October 1989
September 1989
August 1989
July 1989
June 1989
May 1989
April 1989
March 1989
February 1989
January 1989
December 1988
November 1988
October 1988
September 1988
August 1988
July 1988
June 1988
May 1988
April 1988
March 1988
February 1988
January 1988
December 1987
November 1987
October 1987
September 1987
August 1987
July 1987
June 1987
May 1987
April 1987
March 1987
February 1987
January 1987
December 1986
November 1986
October 1986
September 1986
August 1986
July 1986
June 1986
May 1986
April 1986
March 1986
February 1986
January 1986
December 1985
November 1985
October 1985
September 1985
August 1985
July 1985
June 1985
May 1985
April 1985
March 1985
February 1985
January 1985
December 1984
November 1984
October 1984
September 1984
August 1984
July 1984
June 1984
May 1984
April 1984
March 1984
February 1984
January 1984
December 1983
November 1983
October 1983
September 1983
August 1983
July 1983
June 1983
May 1983
April 1983
March 1983
February 1983
January 1983
December 1982
November 1982
October 1982
September 1982
August 1982
July 1982
June 1982
May 1982
April 1982
March 1982
February 1982
January 1982
December 1981
November 1981
October 1981
September 1981
August 1981
July 1981
June 1981
May 1981
April 1981
March 1981
February 1981
January 1981
December 1980
November 1980
October 1980
September 1980
August 1980
July 1980
June 1980
May 1980
April 1980
March 1980
February 1980
January 1980
December 1979
November 1979
October 1979
September 1979
August 1979
July 1979
June 1979
May 1979
April 1979
March 1979
February 1979
January 1979
December 1978
November 1978
October 1978
September 1978
August 1978
July 1978
June 1978
May 1978
April 1978
March 1978
February 1978
January 1978
December 1977
November 1977
October 1977
September 1977
August 1977
July 1977
June 1977
May 1977
April 1977
March 1977
February 1977
January 1977
December 1976
November 1976
October 1976
September 1976
August 1976
July 1976
June 1976
May 1976
April 1976
March 1976
February 1976
January 1976
December 1975
November 1975
October 1975
September 1975
August 1975
July 1975
June 1975
May 1975
April 1975
March 1975
February 1975
January 1975
December 1974
November 1974
October 1974
September 1974
August 1974
July 1974
June 1974
May 1974
April 1974
March 1974
February 1974
January 1974
December 1973
November 1973
October 1973
September 1973
August 1973
July 1973
June 1973
May 1973
April 1973
March 1973
